1. On never wearing pants:
You thought leggings as pants were bad...allow me to introduce you to my indoor attire of spanx as leggings
2. On her daily schedule:
alright nap time is over, time for second lunch
3. On this pandemic's most overused phrases:
does anyone know if we will get through this together or not? or if these times are certain or uncertain? no one letting me know
4. On not being able to get manicures:
really glad that one month ago, I chose a neutral nail
5. On getting to spend extra time with family...
Luna learned to whistle. fuuuuuuuuuck
6. ...and on proper parenting techniques:
What’s a lie I can tell my kid about whistling and it being dangerous
7. On homeschooling:
Homeschool with john, elmo and miles
8. On the paparazzi being out of work:
u know who is suffering right now. the paparazzi. ain’t got no one to shoot. some outside my house right now. waiting waiting for a walk that will never happen. a nipple that will never fall out. I think...I think I will give them a nipple
9. On reality TV:
One thing I hope doesn’t happen is all our reality shows airing themselves in quarantine when this is all over and better. Like next season of housewives being them in quarantine. I don’t wanna live all this over again
10. On drastic hair choices...
should I bleach my hair
11. ...and more drastic hair choices:
oh no i want bangs again
12. On being frustrated with dumb politicians:
I am very dumb and I knew this https://t.co/tZglcjdzqU
13. On being paranoid that you're sick:
at this point I feel like I’m waiting around to get it. it feels unavoidable and weird just...waiting to go through hell.
14. On trying to eat healthily in quarantine...
every day I say my morning mantra: “tomorrow I will eat healthier”
15. ...and on the reality of quarantine eating:
gonna come out of this absolutely unrecognizable
16. On trying to avoid grocery stores...
my how the turn tables
17. ...and taking drastic measures to get groceries:
I’ll make a banana bread for anyone that has romaine lettuce. The trade will be made 6 feet apart and we will place the goods on the floor. no funny business
18. On recipe substitutions:
It’s amazing what we can make simply. I haven’t had all the ingredients for most of my best meals lately. I’ve used some weird ass shit. But it always works. I’ll never forget this time in life.
19. And, finally, on deciding to go on Instagram Live:
fuck im so drunk from the streams and I have a Skype therapy session in 20 mins