The Definitive Ranking From Worst To Best Of Mario Kart 64’s Items

Another damn banana?!

14. Green Shell

Nintendo / Via rebloggy.com

The GIF makes it look like a badass item, but IT’S NOT. This thing is 99% useless, because it has no drive. (You know, like that 34-year-old guy living in his parents’ basement). The shell just goes willy-nilly and only if you’re really lucky will it actually hit someone.

13. Triple Green Shells

This item is better than the single green shell, mostly because you have a slightly higher chance of hitting another player. But your plan will probably backfire.

12. Mushroom Boost

Nintendo / Via mario.wikia.com

This item is about as exhilarating as this photo. It gives you a quick boost, which ONLY matters if you’re neck and neck at the finish line with that cute girl from down the street. Sure, you may win, but she’s not gonna be back to play again anytime soon.

11. Boo

Nintendo / Via random-ness.wikia.com

Yes, Boo was originally an item before the Nintendo Gods let him be a racer. He makes you transparent, but only for a short time. Sounds cool, right? WRONG. The item allows bananas and shells to pass right through you, but you’re usually never near any while using it. How convenient.

10. Banana Peel

A single banana can slow an opponent down, but if your friend is smart they’ll know to hold down the B button right before spinning out. A music note will appear and they won’t slip. Your dastardly plan is foiled.

9. Banana Bunch

Nintendo / Via wifflegif.com

Wonderful, even more bananas to slip on. These are good if your opponents actually run over them. If not, then you have to remember to avoid them.

8. Fake Item Box

Nintendo / Via barnorama.com

This one’s pretty cool because you can sneak it in with the real item boxes. Only downside? You forget where you put it and end up hitting it.

7. Triple Mushroom Boost

Nintendo / Via barnorama.com

This item can make or break a race, especially if you’re in 2nd while your friend’s in 1st. Use them at the last moment of the final lap, and you’ll beat your loser friend. They’ll get pissed, you’ll laugh, and the friendship’ll go downhill from there.

It can even help you cheat.

Nintendo / Via eyesanity.com

Yay for cheating!

Plus, they just look creepy.

Nintendo

You came to the wrong neighborhood, Peach.

6. Super Mushroom

Nintendo / Via it.mario.wikia.com

This item kinda makes your character looks like he’s having convulsions. It gives you unlimited boosts for a short period of time. Use it and crash into your opponents as you fly past them, cacklin’. Downside? Toad seems to be the player who gets it. Dammit, Toad.

5. Red Shell

Nintendo

Look at that precision, that finesse. That’s what you’ll get with the red shell. It aims for the nearest opponent and BAMMMM, you got ‘em. You can even aim it to hit your friend behind you by holding the joystick down when pressing Z. (Same goes for the single green shell, but good luck with that.)

4. Triple Red Shells

You know how great the single red shell is? Imagine three times that greatness. If your friends have half a brain, they’ll stay behind you until those shells are gone. Now that’s power.

3. Super Star (Starman)

Nintendo / Via wtfgamersonly.com

When you hear this, you know it’s time to get the hell outta the way. This item makes you invincible for a short time, plowing through any opponent or item as much as you damn well please.

Side note: You can get the Starman in Animal Crossing.

If you only knew how

2. Lightning Bolt

Yeeeeeah, right. If you get this baby, you’re using it and takin’ no prisoners. It strikes everyone, making them tiny, and slows ‘em down. If you run over the weaklings, they’ll flatten like a pancake and you’ll feel like a god.

1. Spiny (Blue) Shell

THIS MOTHERFUCKIN’ SHELL IS THE BANE OF MARIO KART’S EXISTENCE. Friendships are destroyed because of this damn thing.

Bottom line: It heads straight for the person in first place, and odds are it’s you on the final lap. Sucks for you.

Yeah, it pretty much goes down just like this.

Nintendo / NBC / Via rebloggy.com

Just. Like. This.

After the race:

Nintendo / Via manolizer.tumblr.com

But not if you get shitty items.

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