1. Feel it.
Let it out, cry, be angry, be sad. It's your feelings, and you have every right to feel them.
2. Sometimes, it's no-one's fault.
Sometime's you can both be madly in love and still have your heart broken. It happens, sometimes its timing, external circumstances, other people, or just the physical place you are in. But trust the process, believe in fate - if it's meant to be (sorry for the cliché) it'll be.
3. Don't beat yourself up about it.
It's easy to sit there wallowing in self pity telling yourself it's all your fault, when it isn't. It's even easier to sit there and pick out all the things you did wrong, rather than the things you did right, but that won't make it any less painful, if anything - it'll hurt more. Try reminding yourself of the things that made you smile, it's cheesy yes, but it really can work.
4. Space, everybody needs it, not everybody wants it.
I hate my own company, being alone is a pretty deep fear of mine, and when everything hit rock bottom, it was second nature to seek comfort from the one person I shouldn't have. For the first day it worked, but I knew moving forward, not on, just forward, I needed to give her space, and I needed to take my own. I wrote this the first time I was really alone after it all, and voicing my thoughts, helped.* Published after initially written*
5. You don't have to move on straight away.
Take your time, don't give in to friends or others telling you just to 'get back on the horse' or 'find someone better'. Sometimes people need time apart to realise what they want, and sometimes it's simply a modified version of what they had the first time around, a bit of time apart can make you both re-evaluate and realise that being apart is much worse than trying to deal with things together. I believe in fate, I believe people change, but I also believe people can change together. Just because it's over now, doesn't mean it's over forever.
6. Some people give shitty advice.
My friend, despite his good intentions, gave me advice that did not help. If anything it made me feel worse, and the thing is he knew my relationship better than most of my friends, that still didn't stop him from giving crappy advice. The same will go for others too - they mean well, but everybody deals with things differently and sometimes the best advice you can get is from yourself. If you can take yourself out of the equation for a second and look at what advice you'd give a friend if they were you, that helps because often when we give advice, we tell the person what we would do. So try that,
7. Talk.
Although it partially goes against the previous point, not everyone gives crappy advice. Some can genuinely help ease the pain, but they can't help if they don't know you need it, tell a friend how you feel, aim for someone level headed, calm approaching and someone you trust. Fortunately for me I have a pretty amazing set of people in my world that are like that, if you don't feel like you have that, it might sound scary but there is help out there, online, in schools and centres. All you have to do is be brave enough just once to ask.
8. It's OK to miss them.
Don't feel guilty for missing someone that was and probably still is a big part of your life. Miss the little things like the smell of their hoodie and the way they snuggled in for a cuddle after work. Don't feel crazy or stupid or guilty for doing so, it's a feeling so if I could refer you back to point 1: Feel it.
9. Tomorrow is a new day.
With every new day there is a chance for change, and it's different for everyone but if that's for you to move on, or make steps toward working things out, or even if it's just a chance for you to get a new hair cut, buy yourself something nice, take yourself out for a nice meal, make an effort to make a change. It's ok to spend sometime alone getting it all out, but try not to make a habit of it, embrace the change, it will be ok.
10. Don't be afraid to love again, even if it's the same person.
If you move on try not to take old wounds in to something new, or if you return to your previous love, try not to let those old wounds reopen, you came back together for a reason right? When it gets tough, remember that reason and that feeling. If you're with someone new, give them your all. It sounds mad to most that have had their heart broken, and it can be scary to let someone in again but surely it's better to let them in and give it all, than to only give half the energy because of pain that is in the past. Like Rafiki said " The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it."
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