32 Things You Learn Travelling Round Britain

It’s a curious little isle really.

1. We haven’t quite got the hang of alfresco dining

2. But we know how to let our hair down

3. There’s no end of options for a wild night out

4. Everyone is catered for, whether you’re a computer nerd

5. A medical student

6. A meat lover

7. Or the next Simon Cowell

8. A bit of chintz improves everything

9. No piece of outdoor furniture is complete without a touching tribute for the deceased

10. And we tend our memorials lovingly

11. Vandals are creatures of subtle wit

12. There are few things more disturbing than abandoned childrens’ clothes

13. Or the way people choose to display them

14. But they’re just trying to be helpful really

15. Our love of dogs DOES NOT extend to their mess

16. Or those who fail to dispose of it properly

17. We regard the toilet habits of humans with suspicion too

18. Drinking helps us unwind after a hard day at work

19. And there are no shortage of great places to enjoy your favourite tipple

20. Our music industry has some pretty slick marketing campaigns

21. Our God loves a tenuous analogy

22. And a topical reference

23. Or a confused pun

24. But especially a combination of all the above

25. You should never entrust your most precious possessions to anyone

26. Because we’re pretty absent-minded really

27. It’s a jungle out there

28. A lack of appropriate equipment never stands in the way of making a sign

29. Or the ability to write, spell or make your mind up what you want to say

30. And so, with such beauty all around, it’s no surprise we’re fastidious about keeping Britain tidy

31. So long as rubbish is filed tidily away we’re happy

32. Though of course we handle transgressions with charactaristic British reserve

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