1.
(late 20s & living w parents) me: mom we r out of eggs so i am going out to buy some mom: soon u will b out of eggs that cannot be bought
2.
X = hug XX = two hugs XXX = porn #thatescalatedquickly
3.
Hottest scene in a Rajshri productions movie
4.
"i broke my wrist" facebook: oh my god are you okay should i send food twitter: how will you masturbate now
5.
Sup geometry
6.
He :Talk dirty to me. Me : Baarish se kichad kichad ho jata hai sab.
7.
When you give up on dating:
8.
Oh baby make me scream harder *burns a hole in her Zara dress*
9.
10.
When he finally finds your g-spot
11.
So when Aladdin rubs something and gets rich it's a fairy tale but when other girls do it it's prostitution?
12.
What's your multiple orgasm style?
13.
If I got laid everytime you made sense, I'd still be a virgin.
14.
Bangover: The morning after really great sex
15.
Sex is basically just two people helping each other masturbate better.
16.
i call my vagina 'pomegranate' because dudes don't know how to eat it
17.
Doctor: What are you using for contraception? Me : Hope.
18.
Bc MCQ me bhi is se zada choices hoti hai
19.
Sometimes I charge my phone up to 98% and unplug it bcz why should I be the only one who didn't have the orgasm
20.
"Neeche ishq hai Oopar rub hai" Someone's got it all wrong.
21.
when you have a crush on the hottest boy in school
22.
Why subtitles? WHAAAAY?
23.
Me talking about my crush when he isn't looking
24.
But pens hasn't even taken us out to dinner first!
25.
"Deggi Mirch" Mirch: nahi Dungi!!
26.
Sext: I can spell Nietzsche.
27.
Throat so sore, my vagina is jealous.
28.
Texts like these 😍😍😍
29.
Premature ejaculation is the reason why some people have thrust issues.
30.
How can you keep your South Indian boyfriend happy? Love, sex aur dosa
31.
Russian porn gets me soviet.
32.
So apparently selfies are called 'khudkis' in Hindi. Chalo khudki lete hain? Ergh.
33.
Well, thanks @NetflixIndia
34.
#PahlajNihalani is definitely the guy who prematurely ejaculates. There is no other reason to be upset by long kisses.
35.
Mood: Emran Hashmi Relationship status: Salman Khan
36.
*Going through my contact list* Dad: Beta, yeh jo Tinder surname waale hai matlab woh kaunsi caste ke hote hai?
37.
Hey boy, are you Moov? Cause you take me आह से... आहा तक.
38.
Told the taxi dude to jump the red light and now wondering if he's wondering how wild I am in bed
39.
How do you say 'glow-in-the-dark condoms' in Hindi? This chemist just said "all of them work in the dark".
40.
If you have Sex on 1st Jan you become Do Jism Ek Jan .
41.
Someone replace the dotted condoms by bubble wrap condoms. For boredom issues.
42.
I miss the way you looked into my eyes and said kajal ke bina tum bilkul bimaar dikhti ho baby.
43.
He: Baby, talk dirty to me ;) Me: Abey, kachre ki aulad *BLOCKED*
44.
My biggest worry when I'm flirting with a boy is that he's going to die & our text messages are going to be on the news.
45.
What turns you on ? Girls - Neck Kisses, Waist Grabbing, Thigh Kisses, Hickeys, Hugs, Blah Blah Boys - Yaar main already turned on hu.
46.
Hey boy are you a good at excel coz I want to spread the sheet for you
47.
Ab haath na hilao, Meru cabs bulao? Meru hilayegi?
48.
Cracking clichéd jokes to entertain myself. #tinderstories
49.
One night stand? Matlab puri raat khada rehna padta hai?
50.
Boy, are you Monday, because you came too soon.
51.
Indian women don't have a G-spot. They have an Ae ji-spot.