The 10 Stages Of Trying (And Failing) To Get In Shape

This is not a tale of triumph. It is a tale of laziness, and most of us are well-acquainted with it.

Stage 1: Motivation.

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Your mission to get fit starts with the excitement of picturing yourself looking amazing on the beach.

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It seems really simple: you're going to start working out and stop eating junk food. By Memorial Day you'll look and feel like this:

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So you head to the gym for the first time in months.

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You're totally prepared to bring it.

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YOU'RE SO READY FOR THIS.

Stage 2: The horrible realization about your total lack of fitness.

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10 minutes into your workout, reality starts to set in:

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You're completely out of shape.

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And you have NO idea what you're doing:

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Stage 3: Anger.

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Everyone at the gym is hotter than you.

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And the people around you actually look like they're having fun working out.

Stage 4: Overwhelming regret.

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You stick it out for another half hour, but you suddenly aren't sure if you're humanly capable of running for more than 10 minutes at a time without dying.

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This is your face after leaving the gym. But it's okay - tomorrow is a new day. You have to start somewhere, right?

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Then you wake up the next morning and you're so sore you can barely walk.

Stage 5: Demotivation.

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You think about how you have to work out again today or you're never going to get in shape in time for summer.

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You drag yourself to the gym a few more times, but by the end of the week you're so over it.

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And this is your reaction when someone asks how your new fitness routine is going:

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Whatever, at least you've been good about your diet. Until there's a birthday party at work and someone offers you cake.

Stage 6: Temptation.

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Thoughts like these start running through your head:

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Stage 7: Gluttony.

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YOU REALLY MISS FOOD AND YOU WANT TO EAT EVERYTHING AND NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP YOU.

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You eat 5,000 calories in one sitting, rendering your week's worth of dieting and exercise completely useless.

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Stage 8: Denial.

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At first you're like, "I can't believe I ate all of that AND stopped going to the gym."

Stage 9: Apathy.

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But then you're like:

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Stage 10: Acceptance.

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You give up, embrace your laziness, and carry on (until you do the same exact thing next spring).