The Birth Denouncement

I have an old trunk that I keep in my study. It’s the trunk I used every summer when I went to sleep away camp. Just looking at the outside brings back all kinds of memories . Inside, it’s filled with all kinds of things from my childhood. Old photos. Ticket stubs to concerts. MAD magazines. I don’t throw much away, so pretty much anything related to my youth can be found inside that trunk. I thought I had recalled every memory that old trunk held, but one day I came across the most incredible thing. I found the reason why I am the way I am today. There it was, next to my hospital birth wristband and a plastic bag with a clipping of hair from my first haircut. It was not a written report from the elementary school psychologist. It was not a vile of my DNA. I found my birth announcement:

Second billing, on my own birth announcement!?! REALLY!?! Of course, to me it looked more like this:

If my parents were trying to give me a resounding welcome into the world, they sure had a strange way of showing it. My fate was sealed before I even left the hospital. It might as well have said:

How was I NOT going to grow up with a chip on my shoulder? The deck was already clearly stacked against me. At least they didn't say what they were really thinking: