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11. Child labor laws are ruining this country.
10. You had me at meat tornado.
9. When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.
8. Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have.
7. Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.
6. I call this turf ‘n’ turf.
5. Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.
4. It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.
3. When I eat, it is the food that is scared.
2. I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
1. Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.
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