The Bizarre Religious Anti-Masturbation Twitter Soap Opera You Could Be Watching

Evangelism! Betrayal! Passive-aggressive subtweets!

The other day I opened up my Twitter feed,

and found this exchange waiting for me:

Who are these people? Why is this happening? And what the hell does "Seed is Sacred" mean?

Glad you asked!

@SeedIsSacred is a Twitter account that evangelizes against (which is a euphemism for "yells about") the sins of masturbation.

A Catholic and conservative according to his profile, SIS initially spent his time ranting about how all masturbators were sinners going to hell.

Always be sure to asterisk-out the naughty words, like "fap" and "spunk." And..."lubrication?"

The supremely dorky means of delivering his message makes SIS feel like a troll sometimes— but a troll that's never once broken character.

Plus, whether or not he's 100% earnest or a very committed troll, the @SeedIsSacred storyline is still crazy entertaining.

Of course, the trolls found him.

And one time he got into a fight with Roseanne Barr about the pope. No, seriously.

He also trolled Twitter for people who tweeted about not using their sperm for godly uses.

Which is to say, masturbating. (Yes, people tweet about that.) (Like, a lot.)

Mostly he just @-replied them "No!" or some half-pun about how they were going to hell.

The thing is, people on Twitter will report you for telling them they're going to hell a bunch.

This behavior got the @SeedIsSacred account banned so many times, he decided to make a new one to use while he tried to get his old acocount un-suspended.

And thus, @SeedIsStillSacred was born!

Initially, SISS was run by the original @SeedIsSacred guy, and did basically the exact same thing the old account did.

Same silly asterisk-out "bad" words, same basic message.

Then, things got weird.

Well, weirder.

By the looks of it, @SeedIsStillSacred was turned over to a second party.

The SISS guy tweeted all the same stuff— don't maturbate, for hellfire is surely waiting— but referenced @SeedIsSacred as a mentor. It was almost kinda nice.

But things fell apart.

It seems that, for whatever reason, @SeedIsSacred began ignoring the @SeedIsStillSacred guy.

And @SeedIsStillSacred went a little crazy.

This rift in their relationship was apparently enough to send @SeedIsSacred offline for a while. But now he's back.

Though the two accounts don't appear to have reconciled at all.

So far there hasn't been a resolution in whatever dispute the two have against one another.

But it makes for some interesting activity in one's Twitter feed. @SeedIsSacred versus @SeedIsStillSacred — the best hyper-religious mini-soap opera going on in the Twittersphere right now.