We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community in polyamorous or open relationships to share the misconceptions about non-monogamy that they would love to never hear again. So, please take notes:
1. "You're clearly afraid of commitment."
2. "That's just not a healthy way to have a relationship."
3. "It's just cheating."
"It's not if everyone is in acknowledgment and consenting — that's the point."
4. "I guess you don't believe in real, long-lasting love, then?"
5. "You're all just slutty or sex-crazed."
6. "OK, but you can't be in love more than one person."
"You can love more than one person without anyone losing anything. Happiness never decreases by being shared."
"Love is not a finite resource — it's not pie! Sharing it does not in any way diminish its strength or value with others. Giving your love to two or more is not in any way less significant than pledging your love to one person."
—Shannon Anna Mathew, Facebook
7. "You're clearly compensating for something."
8. "Oh, so you just like having threesomes?"
"That it's all about threesomes. It's not. It's about loving, fulfilling relationships. However many and in whatever form that suits those involved."
9. "Sounds like your relationship is in trouble if you need to open it up — why not just split?"
10. "Wouldn't you always be feeling insecure or jealous!?"
"A lot of monogamy feeds into fears we have about not satisfying our partner. Being in poly or open relationships has helped me embrace the fact that I am enough and that there is no reason to be distrustful of my partners also finding happiness elsewhere. It has taught me to be more confident and generous, as well as helped understand that everyone truly understands intimacy differently."
"Nah. That's not a healthy open relationship. A healthy relationship has trust in all things — and communication to back that trust up."
11. "You just haven't found the right person yet."
12. "Well, there is no way that's going to last — it's just a phase."
13. Guess you're never getting married, huh?
"I had a long, fulfilling marriage (that ended for other reasons) that was an open marriage. We both agreed after discussing it that we could have sex with other people as long as the other marriage partner knew about it ahead of time and had the right of first refusal. Neither of us exercised that option over 11 years together, mainly because the option was there. Having the option meant that extramarital activities didn't have the added 'forbidden fruit' temptation and excitement, and thus most of the opportunities that arose weren't worth the effort of going through with it."
—Mike Bullian, Facebook
"We've been happily married ten years. My monogamous sister is on her third marriage, and my monogamous brother is on his second."
14. "So, you can just sleep around and there's no cheating?"
15. "Can I join in?"
Responses have been edited for length and clarity.