2. If Putin Airlines actually existed, that is.
5. Please fasten your seat belts and make sure your tray tables are in the upright position.
6. If any of our passengers are traveling with small children…
7. …please do not spread homosexual propaganda or let them know that gays and lesbians actually exist.
8. If you do so, you will be cuffed.
9. Please feel free to read some of our complimentary in-flight magazines…
10. … however if we spot you reading OUT or Curve Magazines…
11. … you will be cuffed.
12. Travelers with carry on luggage that pertains a pride rainbow flag sewn into the side of it…
13. … please remain seated upon landing.
14. As you will be cuffed.
15. We hope you enjoy your fabulous flight to Russia.
16. Watch the very important safety message in full:
- It's time: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump will face off tonight at 9 p.m. ET in the first of three US presidential debates.
- Ted Cruz said Trump's list of potential Supreme Court nominees spurred his decision to endorse his former opponent.
- Parents of the suspected Washington mall gunman who killed five people said he "had mental issues."