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Are You Actually Welsh?

Pob lwc i bawb.

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  1. 1. You’ve decided to start a blog. What will you call it?

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    Cupcakes and lipstick
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    Cwtches and coffee
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    Cider and regret
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    Half and half
  2. 2. A mega hottie catches your eye in a club. You...

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    Catch their eye seductively, and hope they will eventually head over in your direction.
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    Get ludicrously drunk and perform your best bump ‘n’ grind moves to lure them in.
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    March straight up to them and tell them they are “ABSOLUTELY STUNNIN’”.
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    Request Tom Jones’ "Sex Bomb" from the DJ and start to pursue them with the "lasso dance".
  3. 3. Can you name this Welsh holiday destination?

    Flickr: rofanator
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    PEOPLE GO ON HOLIDAY IN WALES?
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    Barry Island
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    Rhyl
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    Tenby
  4. 4. Someone offers to buy you "Gwin gwyn". How do you respond?

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    “How dare you?”
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    “Please leave me alone.”
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    “That would be lush."
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    “Can you get a box?”
  5. 5. You learnt long ago that “Guns don’t kill people, rappers do, from…”

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    Port Talbot to Timbuktu.
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    Chippy Lane to Dolgellau.
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    Newport station to London Waterloo.
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    Bristol Zoo to B&Q.
  6. 6. In heaven, all chips come with…

    Flickr: isriya
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    Salt and vinegar.
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    Cheese.
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    Curry sauce.
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    Cheese and curry sauce, with a sausage in batter poking out the top.
  7. 7. What does the Eisteddfod mean to you?

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    Literally, nothing.
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    Welsh people pretending to be druids, or something.
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    A fine Welsh tradition, brings a tear to the eye.
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    Making model leeks and prancing around the school hall in a flower costume.
  8. 8. On March 1st you wake up feeling…

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    Exactly the same as every other day.
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    Hungry, as per usual.
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    Patriotic. Welsh cakes, anyone?
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    Joyful, as you don your apron and bonnet, eat some Bara brith and sing "Mae Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau" to your pet daffodil.
  9. 9. Which of these first wedding dances is yours?

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    A romantic waltz to Etta James’ "At Last".
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    An awkward shuffle to "Love Is All Around" by Wet Wet Wet.
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    Twenty seconds of jazz hands to Tom Jones’ "It’s Not Unusual" before the whole family pile in.
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    You and your betrothed, both completely blottoed, pointing at each other and screeching "Total Eclipse of the Heart" at maximum volume.
  10. 10. You buy a double gin and tonic at a bar and are told that it costs £12. You...

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    Weep internally, but say nothing and pay up.
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    Throw it in the barman's face.
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    Laugh for 15 minutes and then walk away when you realise this isn't a joke.
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    Tell your family about it for years to come.
  11. 11. Complete this sentence: “As long as we beat the…”

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    Irish.
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    Scottish.
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    French.
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    English.
  12. 12. What was your most commonly used piece of P.E. kit as a kid?

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    Hockey stick
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    Netball skirt
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    Rugby ball
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    Daps
  13. 13. Your friend informs you that they’re going skiing this spring. You...

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    Tell them that you are too and get into an in-depth discussion about which country has the best powder.
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    Explain that you used to go with your family but haven’t skiied recently.
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    Smile politely and tell them about how much you would love to go one day.
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    Put on a Downton Abbey-level posh voice and shout “Ohhhhh, one’s going SKIING is one?”
  14. 14. Which of these would horrify you the most on a night out?

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    Drunk girls flashing their knickers in the street.
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    Being refused entry to a club.
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    The DJ refusing to take song requests.
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    The bar closing.
  15. 15. What excites you most about Christmas?

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    Heston’s annual pudding for Waitrose.
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    Eating a crapload of Quality Street.
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    Seeing all your extended family on Christmas day.
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    Re-watching the "Gavin & Stacey" Christmas special.
  16. 16. If you were a bridge, you’d be?

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    Professor Umbridge
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    Wayne Bridge
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    A bridge over troubled water
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    The Severn Bridge
  17. 17. How proud are you of your nationality?

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    Meh.
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    Only when we win things.
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    Very.
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    I will send round an army of dragons if you dare to criticize my country

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