Running For The First Time

Killing you first...being better last.

1.

thatssotrue.com

Yes! New year new me!! Even if it's April, that still counts, right? Woohoo! So pumped! Time to get my work out goin on!

2.

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Ok, time to stretch. I should probably do this inside...How even are you supposed to stretch? Aren't they supposed to teach this to you in school? It should be mandatory, even if you don't take physical fitness...like stretching before a math test.

3.

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Alright, got my tunes, got my app, ok, so, five minute warm up, right? Easy peasy. Yes, that's right neighbor, I'm going out for a run, yes, you enjoy that delivery pizza, we'll see who will be laughing soon enough!

4.

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Ok, so, this isn't so bad. I could totally do thirty minutes of this. Who knew Alt-J could be so inspiring?

5.

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Ok, I've been jogging forever, I wonder....7 MINUTES! WHAT! Ok, keep cool, I mean, it IS my first time so whatever. I'll just slow to a walk for a few. Gotta keep it paced you know, build up that stamina.

6.

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I wish I could go run in like a city park or something, it's normal for people to run there...people in suburbs shouldn't be allowed to stare at you like your a freak of nature. Seriously, stop staring. No, like, stop. Watch out children, fat kid coming through...don't look at me.

7.

thatssotrue.com

It has HAD to been like 20 minutes! How do people do this!?!? People who run 5 miles must have special mechanical legs or something...10 minutes...it's been 10 freaking minutes! I'm not going to make it; to whoever finds my body, please, warn the children, normal humans can't do this...

8.

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Wait...what is that!? Oh my sweet heaven I smell barbecue...worse...barbecue steaks. *drools* Maybe if I run slowly and act like I'm dying they'll be pressured into feeling sorry for me and they'll need to feed me so I can get home...no, keep going, will power, will power...

9.

thatssotrue.com

I must look like crap...I feel like crap...I think I just felt something tear. Oh for heavens sake I'm sweating a bloody downpour!! I didn't even know it was possible to sweat in those places! I am a walking waterfall.

10.

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Oh God...another runner...ok, what is running etiquette? Do I smile? Nod? Wave? Can she tell I'm dying? She looks so perfect. She must have been running forever. She doesn't even have sweat marks!! Ok, I'll smile. Oh God, she didn't smile. She looked down. Kill me now.

11.

thatssotrue.com

It's been 20 minutes. My legs might fall off and even the insides of my ears are sweating. I'll just walk up this hill. That'll be good, right? Oh God, even this is hard. I just want popcorn and Mean Girls.

12.

thatssotrue.com

Why am I even doing this? I must like self torture. Ok, think of the tattoo, think of the tattoo...

13.

thatssotrue.com

Is that rain!? Oh my God it is...it's coming this way. No. No, I REFUSE to run in the rain. Is that a drop? Wait, I think that was sweat...

14.

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Finally, only five minutes to go. It's going to take me five minutes to get home. I need to teach my cat to run with me...now HE would be motivation. And then people would stare at him and not me...I SEE MY HOUSE!

15.

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There is absolutely no bloody way I'm making it up those stairs. Just, no.

16.

thatssotrue.com

*Finally an hour later after a 20 minute nap and a shower* God I feel GREAT! I'm SO doing that again! I can't wait for my next one!