What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
I roll over and go back to sleep. Then usually after my third awakening I sit upright, twist my body to the right, and lower my legs onto the ground. Once my feet are steady on the floor I use my hands to push myself off the bed. If successful, this process lands me in a vertical position. Once this is achieved I have no idea what to do next.
When you walk into a bar, what do you typically order?
"Hello," I say. "I'll have a beer, please. A regular man's beer. And a Malibu and pineapple for the lady." (There is no lady. I'll drink both.)
What's the one word you are guilty of using too often?
You know, I say "You know" a lot. Of course that's two words. As is a lot, which a lot of people mistake for one. As they do of course... you know?
What is the last thing you searched for on Google?
Kelp. I thought it was a fish but of course "kelps" are large seaweeds belonging to the brown algae in the order Laminariales. There are about 30 different genera. Kelp grows in underwater forests in shallow oceans.
Who is the last person that called or texted you?
My wife, Rosie. I had just arrived home and so I flicked her a text asking her where she was. She sent a reply from the kitchen simply stating she was... "In the kitchen."
What's the wallpaper on your phone and/or computer?
A screenshot from the PS4 game Uncharted 4: A Thief's End. I purchased the game a while ago but I still haven't played it yet. The wallpaper is supposed to act as a kind of reminder.
What was the last awkward situation you were in, and how did you handle it?
Trying to purchase the new Voltron: Legendary Defender comic book from a comic book stockist, only to be told they were sold out. I was then recognized as being a voice in the TV show. "Surely you'd get a free copy sent to you?" the man said. "No." I replied. Then he said "Well...there's some X-Files comics here if you want those?"
What is your TV guilty pleasure?
CNN. I'm not sure if it's real or not.
What's the first CD you bought?
Bad Medicine by Bon Jovi. Wo ho ho shake it up!
And what music are you currently listening to?
Wild Things by Ladyhawke.
What is the one food you cannot resist?
Soft confectionery. Wait, is that a food? Otherwise pork.
What movie makes you laugh the most?
Monty Python films.
What toppings do you like on your pizza?
Seafood — shrimp, crab meat, scallops.
What drives you absolutely crazy?
Uber drivers that can't drive.
What was your first online screen name?
Captain Dooby.
What’s the last thing you copied and pasted on your phone?
A mate's address in Eagle Rock but I'm not giving it to you.
What’s your favorite curse word?
"Dickhead."
What's your favorite emoji?
The alien.
Pick one: Kittens or puppies?
Kittens.
New York or Los Angeles?
LA, baby.
Twitter or Instagram?
Twitter.
Bacon or Nutella?
Bacon.
Britney or Christina?
Britney.
Coffee or tea?
Coffee but please, make it like we do in the South Pacific.
NSYNC or BSB?
NCIS or USB.
2 a.m. or 2 p.m.?
2 p.m. I'm a parent.
Beyoncé or Rihanna?
Beyhanna.
Netflix and chill or just Netflix?
Netflix and chili.
Hannah Montana or Lizzie McGuire?
What are they doing? Parking my car?
And finally: Tell us a secret.
The Earth is hollow. Shhh I've said too much.