Bruce Banner/The HulkVia DisneyClint Barton/HawkeyeVia DisneyJames Rhodes/War MachineVia DisneyPietro Maximoff/QuicksilverVia DisneySam Wilson/FalconVia DisneySteve Rogers/Captain AmericaVia DisneyThorVia DisneyTony Stark/Iron ManVia DisneyVisionVia Disney
Can You Pick Which Avenger Would Make The Best Hubby?
Though Bruce has a very, very sweet side, he can also turn into an uncontrollable raging giant at a moment’s notice. AND when he’s finally calmed down, he winds up in the middle of nowhere naked and you have to bring him clothes. Constantly standing around waiting to supply pants to a green monster is pretty much the worst marriage ever.
Who? Oh, he shoots arrows and stuff, right?
What Falcon is to Cap, War Machine is to Iron Man. He’s already in a relationship, dude, and that’s with Tony Stark.
Watch Age of Ultron and you’ll see that your marriage will be very, very short.
Sam is awesome, but he’s still totally loyal to Cap. You’ll be having a much-needed date night when all of a sudden Steve Rogers comes a-callin’. After a while, you’ll get super annoyed with constantly being priority #2 in Falcon’s life.
Ah, Steve. He’s so nice! And muscly! And he’s all into saving the universe! But he’s also the most boring person ever. In addition, he’s totally ~that~ guy who constantly makes you feel bad for being anything less than a perfect human being.
Thor is quite delicious to look at, but I have a feeling you’re not going to like Asgard. Everyone is hardcore into wars and fending off alien invaders — no bueno. Plus, there’s not much for you to bond with Thor about. He’s a prince who will never be as funny or interesting as his brother Loki (or as evil, but that’s a good thing).
Sure he can get a little annoying with his constant need for attention, but you have to admit, his genius-level IQ is pretty awe-inspiring. Here you have the rare example of a man who is good-looking, smart, fucking hilarious, AND actually wants to help humankind. The whole money thing is honestly just a bonus. Start planning your wedding, stat.
I mean, sure he’s nice and everything, but he’s pretty much a sentient robot. Tons of people are already shitty in bed — are you going to take a chance with an android?