Super Mario Bros was released to theaters in the summer of 1993. Expected in every way to be a blockbuster, the $42 million dollar film was unleashed alongside a full line of action figures, t-shirts, lunch boxes, and trading cards. The film even ended on a cliffhanger, alluding to a future sequel and a video game spin-off. But the film flopped, and all of this went away quietly, only to be a puzzling footnote of my generation’s collective nostalgia. And next to that footnote, we have a question. What the hell was that?