Recently, I wrote up a viral Twitter thread where people shared their most ridiculous experiences with "weaponized incompetence," particularly from their partners.
Most replies in the thread were from women sharing stories about their male partners purposely dropping the ball on household tasks, and the post caused such a stir that it inspired even more stories from the BuzzFeed Community. Here are just a few of the many responses:
1. "It would be so much easier to list the things he doesn’t act incompetent about, but one that just makes me want to scream is how he constantly complains that we throw out so much leftover food from dinner because it never got put away the night before. I remind him he’s perfectly capable of putting the leftovers away himself. I mean, I went to all the trouble of making the meal, plus after dinner I’m 100% responsible for getting the baby ready for bed (the baby is already its own category of his incompetence). The least he could do is put everything away. He says he doesn’t know which are the 'right containers' to put everything in, or it 'just slipped' his mind, even though on more than a dozen occasions, he’s managed to put away enough of the leftovers so he can have them for lunch at work the next day."
2. "I used to be a nanny, and one of the best ways to kick the never ending 'why, why, why' phase is to say, 'I don't know, *child's name* what do you think?' Because it forces them to actually think and problem solve. One day I asked my ex to mop, which came with a whole host of questions, stupid ones at that. That was the moment I implemented that same tool with my 25-year-old ex-boyfriend. 'I don't know, *bf's name* what do you think?' He quickly realized that I was literally treating him like a toddler and stopped the nonsense, but he broke up with me less than a month later because I 'always made him feel stupid.'"
3. "My husband is awesome, but one thing he does do is act like I magically remember the amounts of things needed for a recipe. Two days ago, I'm getting into bed, it's late; he says, 'So, I'm going to the store tomorrow. I'll get the stuff for the chicken souvlaki. What do we need for that?' I said, 'The recipe card is in the kitchen next to the stove.' 'But, like, how much chicken?' 'The recipe card is in THE KITCHEN. Goodnight, honey.' I mean, he can read! It's right there!"
4. "My husband seems to think I have a running inventory of exactly where my daughter's clothes and toys are at all times. I do not. You need to LOOK for them. The way he 'looks' for things is by stepping into the room and saying, 'Where's Penny's so and so?' Sometimes, it'll be in plain sight."
5. "My husband took a leaf blower through the house the first time I asked him to vacuum. It blew everything up and onto the higher surfaces. I told him I would divorce him if he ever tried that again, and made him clean it all up. Now, he vacuums like a normal person."
6. "My brother-in-law's father purposely washed dishes very haphazardly so there would still be gross food caked on the dishes. When his wife got fed up and gave in and said, 'I'll just do this dishes,' he was so proud of himself. To this day, he tells that story like it's this amazing feat he accomplished. I hate him for that, and I hate his wife for giving in."
7. "My parents have been married for more than 30 years, and I have never seen my father clean anything, do laundry, or cook a family meal. I once pointed this out to my mom, and she said that he doesn’t know how to do these things. In balance, my dad mows the lawn and shovels snow (tasks that are seasonal and way less frequent). Unfortunately, previous generations of women accepted (because of a lack of other options) the idea that men are just incapable of completing basic household tasks. I can’t imagine living with that, for decades."
8. "My ex took a massive dump that clogged my toilet, didn’t use the plunger, and left for work without telling me. The smell was so potent that it traveled into the living room. When I texted him, 'WTF?' he said he couldn’t find the plunger. It was right next to the toilet."
9. "I used to work two jobs while my ex worked zero. I told him that while he was looking for jobs, he could also do some housework. I came home to a countertop full of dishes — he said he didn't load the dishwasher because I would just tell him he did it wrong and would end up redoing it. He didn't vacuum (even though he claimed he LOVED vacuuming), because he said he was afraid I would complain that the vacuum lines weren't perfect."
10. "I typically cooked dinner four to five nights a week, but I started going back into the office more and asked my husband to help out since he worked from home full time. One day after working/commuting 14 hours, I came home to find that my husband and step-daughter had gone out to eat and didn’t get me anything, nor had he prepared something for me for when I got home. When confronted about it, he got angry at ME and snapped back that he didn’t know what time I was going to be home and that he wouldn’t even have known what I liked anyway. I texted him 90 minutes before arriving home, and we had been together for five years. Sadly, this is just one of many reasons we are now separated."
11. "After a night out, a friend invited me and four friends to his home for more drinks. We happily followed him until we got to his home. It was clearly a family home. Considering it was 2 a.m., someone asked if he was house sharing. Nope. He hadn't left his parents' home yet. We quietly entered his house, but he slammed the front door shut and loudly told us to go left for the living room. Yikes. We talked quietly, but he talked as if it was daytime."
"Then, he asked if we'd like bacon and fried egg sandwiches. We were peckish, so, yes please. He screamed, 'MUM!' shocking the hell out of us. His mother came in clearly groggy while trying to hold her dressing gown together. He said, 'They want egg-baccie sarnies.' She just nodded and went to the kitchen. We wanted to die. He actually smirked while assuring us that his mum didn't mind because he didn't know how to cook and such. Some of us were like, 'What the eff is wrong with you, mate?!' Truly, I'll never, ever get over that."
12. "My older brother — when we all lived at home when we were younger, not only was I asked to do his laundry, but fold or iron certain shirts if he needed them. After getting conned as a child and forming a habit of doing all these things, I showed him how to separate colors of clothes, and how and where to use fabric softener, etc. I could've taught a whole course! All I ever got was half of his attention, averting eyes, and the occasional, 'Oh yeah, mm-hm,' whatever. Finally, I asked him, 'Do you know how to do this?? I've shown you a hundred times, and you barely pay attention and still ask me to do it.' He replied, 'You really think I was listening? You do it better than me anyway.' YOU'VE NEVER DONE IT, MY DUDE. I would still iron his shirts once in a while just because he asked, like, twice a year, but I never did his laundry or anything ever again."
13. "Recently, my mom (the woman of the house) caught COVID, so everything was turned over to me. I got so many questions from the males in my household asking, 'How do I wash this, or prepare that?' Do I look like Martha Stewart to you? They have just as much experience living in this household as I do; why am I supposed to be the expert? Plus, Google is free! And then, they try to flatter me with, 'Oh, I'm asking because you're the smartest person in the house.' Yeah, for a reason — these boys refuse to learn anything!"
14. "My dad didn't start doing his own laundry until right before my parents separated because my mom had had enough. She had to teach him how to use both the washer and dryer. He was, like, 50 years old at that point."
15. "I used to come home from work trips, exhausted after flying most of the day, around 7 or 8 p.m. Here's what our conversations would be like:"
"Me: What did you guys have for supper?
Him: We waited for you.
Me: Oh. That’s nice. What did you make?
Him: Nothing. I did not know what you would want. We are pretty much out of everything, so you will have to go to the store.
Yeah. Awesome."
16. "My parents had to get a ThunderShirt for their younger dog. It helps him when it's on properly. However, I have seen my dad 'put it on the dog' by waving it in the air and getting the dog all worked up and excited, only to put it on the wrong way and then declaring that it doesn't work. He's been shown how to put it on properly multiple times. He just hates being asked to help out with a dog that he wanted. He's been doing the same 'it doesn't work' schtick with the dog's training, and then he complains that the dog won't do X, Y, or Z."
17. And finally, "I got him on Medicaid, got him a doctor, made him an appointment, and then he freaked out on me because I didn’t wake him up for said appointment. He was in his 40s, and I was in my 20s. This was the last straw of many straws. I broke up with him shortly after, and my biggest regret is not doing it a year and a half sooner when I first started wanting to. Some people never grow up, and it’s not your job to try and make them."
Do you have your own story of weaponized incompetence to share? Tell me in the comments below:
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length/clarity.