Ahhh, your twenties vs. your thirties. Not a huge difference, right? Well, let's compare:
1. When it comes to going out on a Friday night:
Me in my 20s: IT'S FRIDAY!!! LET'S GET F×&KED UP!!! Me in my 30s: Today is Friday? Cool, I have time to play video games before my weekly round of self-loathing.
2. When it comes to going out in general:
Life in your 20s: "Oooh I can't wait to go out tonight!" Life in your 30s: "Oooh, I really hope they cancel so I can stay in tonight."
3. When it comes to hangovers:
HUNGOVER IN YOUR 20s [takes tylenol and goes about the day] HUNGOVER IN YOUR 30s [writing letter] Dearest Penelope, I fear this may be the final time I am blessed to feel the warmth of the sun upon my breast. I grow more weary by the moment, and prospects for survival are slim
4. When it comes to concerts:
concerts in my 20s: hell yeah this rocks i love staying up until 4am concerts in my 30s: 7pm is too late to start things i have to work in 12 hours
5. When it comes to tidying up:
In my 20s: What is “rage cleaning?” In my 30s: Where is my good sponge? Where is my good sponge!?!?! WHERE IS MY GOOD SPONGE!?!?!
6. When it comes to having children:
AGE 25: lol why would anyone have kids in their 20s AGE 36: [pulls groin getting out of child-sized chair at library] oh I see
7. When it comes to sleeping:
YOUR 20s: I fell asleep backwards on a coffee table last night and woke up just in time to run a 5k YOUR 30s: I bought the wrong pillow. put me in hospice
8. When it comes to your justifications:
Being in your 20s is trying to justify going out late to party with friends when you have other things you need to do. Being in your 30s is trying to justify staying home to go to bed early when you have a free Saturday all to yourself and could be out partying.
9. When it comes to preparing for a trip:
Packing in my 20s: Toothbrush and bikini Packing in my 30s: Those things plus a swim suit cover up, 3 face creams, hair products to cover up postpartum hair loss, spanks, sensible shoes, and denture cream.
10. When it comes to dating apps:
Tinder in your 20s: “Not looking for anything too serious.” Tinder in your 30s:
11. When it comes to your parents:
Me in my 20s: I'm never gonna turn into my dad. Me in my 30s: WHO LEFT ALL THE LIGHTS ON DO YOU THINK I'M MADE OF MONEY
12. When it comes to music:
Me, in my teens: This radio station is playing my jams. Me, in my 20s: This bar is playing my jams. Me, in my 30s: This grocery store is playing my jams.
13. When it comes to adventure:
Me, age 20: I think I’ll do a tour of Europe for the summer when I’m in my 30s Me, age 37: I splurged on the nice shower cap
14. When it comes to socializing:
me in my 20s: I’m going to become a writer and make great things and meet awesome people me in my 30s: Don’t make eye contact with anybody
15. When it comes to life in general:
Me in my 20s: I'm gonna live forever Me in my 30s: I'm gonna live forever (except I am sad about it now)
16. When it comes to literally anything at all, ever:
your 30s are basically your 20s with much fewer hit points