I Cannot Overstate How Funny These 36 Tweets By Women Are
"attention span so short it takes me 7 days to finish a 2 hour movie."—@RiotGrlErin
This week, we were all a couple of Tortured Poets chugging espresso, and Kylie Jenner DEFINITELY isn't pregnant with a Chalamet (allegedly).
Kris Jenner after letting multiple day rumour of a Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet pregnancy circle only to have the online commentary be exclusively about ClubChalamet
— T (@teewatterss) April 25, 2024
pic.twitter.com/LAvzvbKCQa
Make sure you follow all these funny ladies on X (aka Twitter)!
1.
3pm? sorry that’s my time to be the most tired I’ve ever been in my life everyday
— official game glenna (@glenna_opt) April 23, 2024
2.
business tip.
— lauren formr worm (@laurenthew0rm) April 25, 2024
INSTEAD OF SAYING
“i work from home”: weak, lazy, does not sound productive
SAY
“i practically live at the office”: a real go-getter, dedicated to the grind, a worker bee
3.
You wouldn’t last an hour in the coconut tree I fell out of
— Claire Goldberg (@ClaireGoldberg) April 24, 2024
4.
In Spain rn and everywhere I turn are beautiful sexy men off to work… wish we had this in the US but sadly all we have are DJs :(
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) April 24, 2024
5.
The New York Times has officially out-New York Timesed itself. pic.twitter.com/fTvOVIMKpy
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 25, 2024
6.
Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) April 24, 2024
7.
Can I call in pants too tight and go home if I am already at work
— nice things I say to myself (@meantomyself) April 24, 2024
8.
listening to I can do it with a broken heart while driving actually feels like what I imagine driving off rainbow road in mariokart would feel like in real life
— katelyn (@noitskatelyn) April 24, 2024
9.
some of you weren’t there*
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) April 23, 2024
*the year 2012 when the promo trailer for Girls season 2 featuring the song Anything Could Happen by Ellie Goulding dropped
10.
me when i’m clocked in at work pic.twitter.com/2VNDHSV9oC
— mirrorball 🪩 (@penthouseheart) April 24, 2024
11.
"fatherless behavior" actually i have a dad, im just a terrible woman
— Hoes Be WILIN (@HoesBeWILIN___) April 24, 2024
12.
attention span so short it takes me 7 days to finish a 2 hour movie.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) April 23, 2024
13.
13 year old girl came in to my barista job and asked “can i get one espresso? wait actually what’s in an espresso?” so thank u sabrina carpenter
— yamini :) (@showmetheyamz) April 24, 2024
14.
Say sike right now pic.twitter.com/zyJHpuSEYG
— potato bun (@erewhonsmoothie) April 25, 2024
15.
I’m not sure how “tortured” Taylor Swift can really be when her football team won the Super Bowl in her first season.
— Lauren (@LaurenC30) April 24, 2024
16.
Whatever the fuck I want https://t.co/BYzhl2QVhX
— Jenni (@hashjenni) April 24, 2024
17.
and you deserve prison but you wont get time pic.twitter.com/AtyxLUDCmi
— ally 🦋✨🎧⸆⸉ (@ally_sheehan) April 25, 2024
19.
kris jenner after hearing tiktok say kylie’s makeup brand is going under: pic.twitter.com/4gbvowuorq
— claire (@cmsflpflp99) April 24, 2024
20.
Kylie Jenner must be fertile af if she got pregnant by Timothee Chalamet because there is no way that he has strong swimmers, he looks anemic, dehydrated, and we ALL know he has been ravaged by one of the most prolific case of Chlamydia in modern history
— macklin (@saintmacklin) April 24, 2024
21.
1 debriefing session with the girls can make u hate the guy you just started liking
— sycaroop girl (@manroopkaur26) April 24, 2024
22.
hey sorry i can’t right now im too busy watching my own instagram story
— blair btw *_* (@blairbbrown) April 24, 2024
23.
the feminine urge to say “ok bye” and then expect 98 msgs, 86 calls,37 emails
— Sara (@sara_pirzadaa) April 24, 2024
24.
we been hearing "boys will be boys" since we started walking on this earth. You'll be alright. Suck it up bubba https://t.co/76lhomxUwD
— Make Oxtail Cheap Again (@simsimmaaz) April 24, 2024
25.
Bruh being healthy actually takes up a lot of time and energy. like i don’t even have time to be depressed because i gotta meal prep and work out and shower and fold my clothes and moisturize my face and deep condition my hair and call my loved ones and read my books.
— sweet t (@childofnines) April 25, 2024
26.
once i say “interesting” just know u slipped up
— tatyana 🧛♀️ (@heluvstat) April 23, 2024
27.
*forgetting the word for ambidextrous* my hands are bisexual
— mir.i.am (@jewbyboobie) April 24, 2024
28.
me: I'm not old
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 24, 2024
also me: *realizes the number of meteorologists I follow on facebook is not zero*
29.
Sorry I was late I was refilling my purse Ibuprofen with my bathroom Ibuprofen.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) April 23, 2024
30.
They say if you feel overwhelmed, it's important to ask for help.
— Marl (@Marlebean) April 25, 2024
*Husband immediately loses the list of things I asked for help with*
31.
only hot women get away with being mean but only the HOTTEST women get away with being weird
— emz! (@blahblahemily) April 24, 2024
32.
SLUTS
— K (@bluehhberry) April 25, 2024
(sexy ladies under tremendous stress)
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
30 Hilarious Tweets By Women That Will Have Every Male Comedian Quaking In His Little Boots