10 Reasons To Vote Trump

As we all know, Trump has just inched ahead of Hilary in the polls. With his popularity surging with no end in sight, here are just 10 of the many reasons to sway anyone sitting on the fence (or wall)

1. You're sick of politicians being politicians

Why do all our leaders have to hide behind bald-faced lies! We need a leader who can actually speak their minds. Diplomacy? Pfft, ain't nobody got time for that!

2. You're sick of conspiracy theorists telling you climate change is real!

Sure, we all love Leo Dicap. But enough with all the fear-mongering! Trump will set those hippies straight by burning straight through our coal. Mo' money mo' money mo' money....

3. Freedom of speech = freedom to insult...EVERYONE!

The First Amendment gives Mr. Trump the right to insult whoever he damn well pleases. Moslems, Mexicans, blacks, women...even the darn disabled! They get all the good parking spaces anyway.

4. No one messes with Trump....no one!

Terror levels are high these days. We need someone whose willing to kick a little bit of whoop ass. Mr. Trump wants to 'waterboard, and worse than that' and says that the best way to kill terrorists is killing their families. Someone get this guy a Nobel Peace Prize, stat!

5. Confidence is not a problem for this guy!

Any leader of the free world must ooze with self belief. Do you think a billionaire would keep that wretched hair-do for no reason? It's obvious, he wants to show us he can rock it even WITH the worst hair on God's unchangingly green Earth!

6. You love walls as much as the next guy!

Walls are great. They're big. They're pretty. You can punch them when you're angry. They keep out illegals who are stealing our jobs right from under our noses. We need more walls, and only one guy is promising to make that happen right about now!

7. You literally think that orange IS the new black!

We've had white. We've had black. It's time to give equal opportunities to those whose skin colour may hold them back. Wasn't it MLK who said 'I have a dream that white people, black people and orange people can become President'...or something like that?

8. You want the next season to be called The President Apprentice!

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Who doesn't want to see Vladimir Putin, David Cameron and whoever Iran's President is, battle it out to see who gets 'fired'?

9. You too want to figure out...what the hell is going on?

Times are tough. Life is confusing. Who knows what really is going on? I sure as hell don't. Does Trump? I dont know, but hey, he chooses to be on TV with a bad hair-do everyday. That kinda confidence must mean something, right?

10. You kind of...just want to see what the hell will happen!

America has really not seen a leader quite like Trump in...ever! As someone whose name sounds very much like Trump's once said, 'life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get'. With Trump, one thing's for sure. There's no telling what on Earth this guy is going to do if he gets to office. So....now what?