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15 Things Anyone With An Alcohol Allergy Is Tired Of Hearing

"That's not a real thing, is it? Sounds like a made up thing."

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1. "You're WHAT????"

Columbia Pictures

You heard me the first time. I know you did.

2. "That's not a real thing, is it? Sounds like a made up thing."

Warner Bros. Television

I'd give you a live demonstration, but I just don't hate myself that much.

3. "Are you secretly a recovering alcoholic, ashamed of your past?"

I'm mostly just ashamed of sitting next to you right now.

4. "Surely you could have one beer. ONE BEER."

Are you deathly allergic to peanuts? Because you should totally have ONE PEANUT right now.

5. "Can you explain to me in painful detail what happens when you drink alcohol?"


Oh, yes of course. It's my favourite pastime.

6. "Damn, that sounds harsh. Can you have a sip of wine so that I can see for myself?"

Can you have a sip of shut-up-and-try-not-to-kill-people?

7. "So do you have to *puff puff* a lot in order to make up for it?"

I'm probably going to have to *puff puff* a whole lot to get over your questions.

8. "You must be, like, no fun at parties."

Universal Pictures

Good to know that your only method of having fun is through copious amounts of intoxication.

9. "What are you even doing at a bar?"

MTV / Via

Sometimes I go to a bar to meet people. Obviously, the only reason you go to a bar is to meet alcohol.

10. "Hey, would you be my designated driver for life?"

I'll be your designated driver for one night. I will then proceed to drive three hours out of the city and leave you and your idiocy stranded at the most desolate spot I can possibly find.


Adding it to my list of things to stay away from:

-Cough Syrup


The end.

12. "Ohhhh I feel so bad for you! You're missing out on SO MUCH!!"

Yup. Hangovers, incessant barfing and bad decisions. I miss them all.

13. "How do you even get through the everyday rigours of this difficult life?"

Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation

Mostly by avoiding people who think alcohol is the answer to everything. Like you.

14. "Why are you even complaining? Can you imagine the amount of money you save because of this?"

Apparently not enough money to hire a plane and fly far, far away from your ignorance.

15. "Oh, well. Here, you can have my diet coke."