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20 Words And Phrases That Mean Something Different In An Indian Office

Five minutes = thirty seven minutes.

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1. Salary

NBC Universal Television

Actual meaning: A fixed regular payment, typically paid on a monthly basis, made by an employer to an employee.

In an Indian office: A resource which arrives seven days too late, and exhausts itself seven days too early, on a monthly basis.

2. Weekend

Carnival Film & Television

Actual meaning: Saturday and Sunday, especially regarded as a time for leisure.

In an Indian office: The days of the week where you get to come to work in shorts.

4. End of Day (EOD)

jeobox.com

Actual meaning: The time by which something must be completed, usually the closing hours of the company.

In an Indian office: Any time between the company's actual EOD and 11:59 PM.

5. Smoke Break

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Actual meaning: A short break taken during work hours to satiate one's nicotine requirements.

In an Indian office: "I literally cannot stare at my computer screen anymore so I am now a certified cigarette addict. And I will smoke as slowly as is humanly possible."

6. Conference Room

Actual meaning: A designated room provided for singular events such as business conferences and meetings.

In an Indian office: A designated area where the entire office congregates whenever India is playing a cricket match.

7. Caféteria

Warner Bros. Television

Actual meaning: A lunchroom or dining hall where food that is served, dispensed from vending machines or where food brought from home may be eaten.

In an Indian office: A space where an employee must digest as much gossip as they can within 45 minutes, while simultaneously trying to protect their masala bhindi from prying eyes.

8. WiFi

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Actual meaning: A facility allowing computers, smartphones, or other devices to connect to the Internet or communicate with one another wirelessly within a particular area.

In an Indian office: A facility which consistently derps out on you long enough to take more smoke breaks and justifies you screaming at that I.T. guy who took your bhindi without asking.

9. Presentation

media.giphy.com

Actual meaning: A speech or talk in which a new product, idea, or piece of work is shown and explained to an audience.

In an Indian office: A speech or talk where you show off just how much freakin' jugaad you can get done in two hours flat.

10. Digital Marketing

Universal Pictures

Actual meaning: The marketing of products or services using digital channels to reach consumers.

In an Indian office: Running a Twitter contest and giving away free speakers, usually to someone like @OriginalContestLover5000.

12. Holiday

20th Century Fox Television

Actual meaning: A day on which one is exempt from work.

In an Indian office: A day when everyone takes leave from work to analyse how much alcohol their body can hold at a point of time.

13. Deadline

Universal Media Studios

Actual meaning: The time by which a particular project must be finished or submitted.

In an Indian office: The time by which an employee panics and decides what time he or she is actually going to finish said project.

14. Sick Leave

Universal Pictures

Actual meaning: A leave of absence granted to an employee because of illness.

In an Indian office: An intricate lie cooked up by an employee every couple of weeks because they cannot take this goddamn commute anymore.

15. Washroom

Paramount Pictures

Actual meaning: A room with washing and toilet facilities.

In an Indian office: A room which always has a minimum of five people standing outside it with crossed legs and anxious visages.

16. Brainstorm

Working Title Films

Actual meaning: A spontaneous group discussion to produce ideas and ways of solving problems.

In an Indian office: An awkward half hour where everyone congregates, discusses what happened on last night's episode of Bigg Boss and leaves knowing less than they did before.

17. Bonus

Disney Channel

Actual meaning: An extra payment made to employees in addition to their base salary.

In an Indian office: A legend of yore which everyone keeps telling you about, but nobody's ever quite seen. Like the outer reaches of space. Or a unicorn.

19. Boss

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Actual meaning: That smug asshole who sits in perfect air conditioning all day long and for some odd reason, keeps barking orders at you.

In an Indian office: That smug asshole who sits in perfect air conditioning all day long and for some odd reason, keeps barking orders at you.

20. Team

Warner Bros. Television

Actual meaning: A group of people with a full set of complementary skills required to complete a task, job, or project.

In an Indian office: A group of people who you see so often that they basically become your second family. Oh, and you also work on occasion.

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