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I Can't Stop Combining Words Randomly And It's Ruining My Goddamn Life

Someone needs to help me with my craptacular condition.

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Hi, friends. Today, I would like to talk to you about a terrible affliction I've been facing for quite some time.

NBC

I CAN'T STOP THINKING AND TALKING (OR SHOULD I SAY THALKING) IN PORTMANTEAUS.

Machinima

Mr. Tojonto, an expert at Urban Dictionary, uses his harsh but wise words to perfectly describe the symptoms of my "crapcatular" condition.

I try to catch up on some sports news, but I quietly utter, "Realief for Rafa" and hang my head in shame.

I read an article about this lady's majestic CGIce costume and all I'm thinking is: WHY NOT ELFSA?!??!!?

Universal Pictures

I can't even read this list without worrying whether anyone caught me saying "Mermovies" out loud.

BuzzFeed

And it's not just that. It's ruining my love life.

Shayan Roy

It's destroying my ties with my closest friends.

vine.co

My boss is beginning to wonder whether she's hired a lunatic.

BuzzFeed

LOOK AT THE GODDAMN WIKIPEDIA PAGES I END UP ON.

I may even take up Jazzercise, just because it's called Jazzerc- WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME.

Seriously, I'm slowly beginning to lose my mind and any assistance at this point would be much appreciated.

NBC

Or else, this will be me in five years or less:

Comedy Central

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