5 Non-Disney Leading Men And Whether Or Not You Should Screw Them

Remember these hand-drawn hotties from your favorite non-Disney animated movies? Of course you do.

1. Dimitri, Anastasia

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We all grew up watching the memorable "Anya" prance around Europe with her hilarious duo, Dimitri and Vlad (the latter of which certainly had some hefty appeal). Dimitri, however, is everything you could want in a leading man, sporting Jack Dawson's flippy hair, John Cusack's rugged voice, and a delicious bad-boy facade. But inside this selfish con artist is a caring and gentle man--who didn't take the money! There's no doubt we'd battle a zombie and leave a luxurious life as a princess for him. Oh, and did I mention he opens walls?

Screwability: 9/10

2. Cornelius, Thumbelina

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If a flirty fairy boy flew in through my window, I'd be the first to hop on his bee. The microscopic prince might be just a sixteen-year-old horndog willing to marry a girl within minutes of meeting her, but hey—he sings, he flies, and you can call him Cory if the name makes you laugh. The outfit and haircut are questionable, and, unfortunately for us regular-sized folks, he's only six inches high. But damn that perfect singing voice! And I dare you not to swoon at the final refrain of "And I'll never let you gooooo!" Marry this guy and you're guaranteed wings. Just don't take pretty boy swimming anywhere—he's been known to freeze up.

Screwability: 7/10

3. Derek, The Swan Princess

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Swan's loverboy, Derek, is one of those self-proclaimed "nice guys" always looking for the sympathy vote. Meanwhile, he can't give one good reason why he wants to marry Odette without ogling her like a thirteen-year-old staring at Kate Beckinsale's leather-suited bod in Underworld. Now, I have to give the prince some credit for going to a library to study up on "great animals," and he pulls through somewhat in the end by doing one of the most romantic things in animated history—listing Odette's qualities on his fingers whilst she dies in his arms. But even "Far Longer Than Forever" can't make up for his incompetence—or that haircut.

Screwability: 4/10

4. Curdie, The Princess and the Goblin

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Okay, I know the kid’s like, what, twelve at most? But age is irrelevant in medieval goblin land. Irene is ridiculously naive, even for a classic imprisoned princess, but Curdie’s seemingly endless knowledge about goblins, his mature battle prowess, and his body-hugging Hyrulian tunic make him one of those unfulfilled prepubescent fantasies. It’s no wonder the princess tries to kiss him after an hour of middle-school flirting. And, judging by his father’s rugged-miner look, the kid’s going to turn out pretty fine (unlike Irene’s father—the Pantene Pro-V spokesman). Unfortunately, similar to the goblins’ conveniently weak feet, Curdie’s kryptonite is a set of stairs and a small bloody smudge on his leg. Wow—way to be a baby, kid. Grow some balls. Literally. Please, just go through puberty, so I don’t feel like such a weirdo anymore.

Screwability: 6/10

5. Moses, The Prince of Egypt

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It’s hard to determine just how sexy a brawny Biblical hunk is without feeling like someone up there is staring down at you with big, disapproving eyes. But hey—Moses was a man after all. And according to animation, a pretty good-looking one at that. This guy can part water, turn a river into blood, chat with creepy, disembodied voices (which may or may not have been hallucinations from ancient pot), and spiritually kick the crap out of his big-shot jock of a brother. Moses isn't always the best when it comes to persuasion, and it frustratingly takes him a good thirty minutes to realize—surprise!—slaves are people too. But he means well, and everyone seems to love him. Except for his brother. Oh, and all of Egypt.

Screwability: 7/10