Think he's perfect? Five things to watch out for anyways...
1. He seems like he cares but is callous in your time of need.
My ex called me the perfect girlfriend and expressed how much I meant to him. Sounds great, right? Well today after contemplating an insult he directed at me this week, I attempted reconciliation and he refused to talk about what happened, stating he was happy and didn't want me to "bring him down". Your S.O. should be willing to empathize when you need it, not exclude himself from your sorrow to preserve his happy hour.
2. He is reluctant to admit fault.
My ex is a firm believer that we all have room for improvement. It's a belief that made me put him on a pedestal, because it's a very mature belief...when it's genuine. Today I tried explaining that putting his "I'm happy today" before our joint "We can be happy forever" is not caring and he flipped. Since when does my happiness outweigh our happiness? Two is better than one, isn't it?!
3. He lets you walk away.
This one is tricky. You want to be able to have space when you need it, but you also need to be able to connect when it's important. He's great at giving space, but doesn't understand the other part. When he insulted me, I walked outside to calm down. Instead of following and apologizing, he stayed inside and pouted. Then the next day when I said I needed to talk or this could get worse, he refused because he was having drinks with three lady colleagues. Wait...what????
4. He tries to justify disrespectful behavior.
Yes, he's your Mr. Perfect, but you both (hopefully) know that no one is actually perfect. As you know by now, my ex called me a mean name (first time ever) and when I tried to talk to him about it, his explanation quickly became a justification as he cited his anxiety and work stress as reasons why he insulted me. Helloooooo!!!? There is never an excuse to disrespect your S.O. You can't control your feelings, but you can control your actions. Own up to your mistake.
5. He's someone who won't miss you incredibly.
I know all about my ex's exes. I know about the years of agony he spent mourning their loss. The counseling. The bad decisions. I told him I didn't want him to try to stay with me just so he wouldn't go through that again and his response was "Oh don't worry, I wont. I've learned to not care". At first I foolishly thought this was a sign of maturity, but after what happened today, I realized he just legitimately doesn't care. His way of dealing with things now is to take care of #1. As if he didn't know that "One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do".
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