We Asked Americans To Watch British Kids' TV Shows – And They Were Utterly Baffled
"Rosie and Jim can fuck off."
We chose eight well-known and loved British TV shows and asked six American BuzzFeed writers to watch and write down the first thing that came into their heads. Here is what they said:
1. Animals of Farthing Wood
Sami: I'm soothed by this art. It reminds me of The Fox and the Hound. I hope these animals aren't in danger, I love them already.
Hannah: Oh, it's all so lovely and soft and pastel and it's being narrated by someone's gentle grandfather.
Logan: Holy shit! What the fuck?! It's been TWO MINUTES and a character is already dead.
Sami: I AM WATCHING THIS IN THE MORNING, DID CHILDREN WAKE UP TO THIS? DEATH IS A PLOT POINT?! I AM UPSET.
Logan: Momma fox had a dead mouse in her mouth, so that's two dead animals in two minutes. For the sake of everyone in Farthing Wood, I pray this show isn't an hour long.
Sami: WEASEL NEEDS TO SHUT UP. SOMEONE IS D-E-A-D.
Cate: This is like a shit combination of The Fox and the Hound, Robin Hood, and The Jungle Book.
Sami: THEY DON'T EVEN GIVE IT A PROPER BURIAL?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?
Hannah: The intro goes on for so long that I began to suspect that it was the entire show.
Sami: What an odd buddy comedy. Just two middle-aged dudes with similar facial hair, hanging out.
Logan: I will be singing that "Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision" song for days. I thought it would never end.
Sami: It feels like this needs a laughter track or something.
Cate: This is weird and boring. What child is going to be entertained by two idiots running a pet shop? BRITISH ONES.
Logan: I'm not a big fan of slapstick, but I can see how the silliness of this show would make it popular. It's interesting because the sound effects and gags resemble a kids' show, but I feel like the comedic wordplay is a little more advanced.
Ariane: This episode of ChuckleVision seems like it will give small children unrealistic ideas of business ownership. How did these men get a storefront? In this episode, why would you open a pet store with no pets?
3. Get Your Own Back
Cate: Wait, is this a revenge show for children?! This is sinister. I'm into it.
Ariane: I don't know what they're getting back. They're getting revenge, I think? Or they're mad at someone, and then they're playing this game, and if they win they get the thing they want?
Sami: I'm not familiar with this phrase? I have no idea what Get Your Own Back actually means? Is this familial vengeance?
Ariane: Oh no! I was right before, it is revenge!
Hannah: This is kind of a dark premise for a kids' show, isn't it?
Logan: Oh my god. I would have totally watched this show when I was younger (and wanted to participate).
Hannah: All these kids need some time in the sun, to be honest.
Sami: This is immediately more diverse than any American children's competition show.
Logan: I love that the adults get into it. The contestant says: "My grandpa makes up stories..." Audience: "BOOOOOO!!!!"
4. Bodger & Badger
Adam: Badger's snout moves in a way I find to be unsavory.
Hannah: Is that what British people say when they're frustrated? "OH, Bodger and Badger me, I've stubbed my toe!"
Sami: Does Badger even LIKE Simon? Why do they live together? HOW do they live together? Are badgers common companions?
Cate: What does this guy think is going to happen when he willingly lives with a badger? THIS IS NONSENSE.
Hannah: Also, don't British politicians just murder badgers every now and then? Dark.
Logan: This isn't a real show, is it? This can't be a real show. It looks like something a man made by himself one day after his acting coach told him he'd never be a star. "I'll show YOU!" he said as he began making his badger puppet.
Sami: Yet another middle-aged man going on adventures with a friend. It's shows like these that make you wonder how the puppeteers didn't go legitimately insane after working there.
Ariane: The line "getting mashed potato all over your face is not a laughing matter" made me laugh. GOOD JOB, BRITISH PEOPLE.
5. Rosie and Jim
Adam: I am loving the interracial relationship between Rosie and Jim. I am horrified by their barely expressive doll faces.
Cate: Rosie and Jim can fuck off.
Hannah: Well, I know what I'm having nightmares about tonight.
Sami: Not a fan of puppets having an adventure AT NIGHT.
Logan: Watching this show makes me feel like I'm on drugs. They were literally talking about how cool lights looked and laughing about it. And then they went to a disco party?
Adam: I have no idea what to make of the disco boat. If I had watched this as a kid when I was homesick, I probably would have thought I was hallucinating.
Ariane: I like the mallard and the dolls' sense of adventure.
Cate: They are TERRIFYING rag dolls of doom.
Hannah: THIS IS DARK AS HELL. Also, I can't tell if it's a TV show or a video game.
Sami: Oh, whoa, this takes the time period VERY SERIOUSLY. This is like Dungeons and Dragons but for TV?! And it carries over from episode to episode? That is kind of fascinating.
Adam: Well, dammit. Here I was, all excited from the opening credits that this was the British version of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Instead, it's an IRL Dungeons and Dragons video game. Who am I kidding — I would have devoured this as a kid.
Logan: It must suck to be the person receiving instructions, though. That's no fun. Just standing there while three of your friends argue about what you should do. No thanks.
Sami: They should bring this back, like, for sure.
Logan: I'd much rather be on Get Your Own Back.
7. Byker Grove
Logan: This is the most British thing I have ever seen.
Ariane: OH man, this seems like something the cool kids watched. This feels aspirational.
Cate: I think they're solving crimes, but I can't understand a fucking thing they're saying. So maybe they're not solving crimes.
Logan: I can't tell if they're using slang or their accents are that thick.
Cate: There should be subtitles on this.
Hannah: I can't understand that one spiky-haired kid. I'm sure he's nice though.
Ariane: I'm going to learn new slang terms that kids in older grades use, and I'm going to get ideas about hair gels and which sneakers to wear. You have another word for sneakers – trainers? I'm going to get ideas about hair gels and which trainers to wear.
Sami: Oh, is this some sort of teen drama? DEALING WITH MORE POSSIBLE DEATH? British children's television is BLEAK.
8. Postman Pat
Cate: I don't hate this. The black-and-white cat can stay.
Adam: Now this is exactly what I expect from a British children's TV show: folksy charm, cheery talk of gardens, packages wrapped in brown paper, and adorably handcrafted stop-motion animation.
Cate: This is how I expected all British children shows to be. Not like the living KNIGHTMARE of Rosie and Jim.
Ariane: Postal workers do seem to hold a special place in the hearts of children, so this makes sense.
Hannah: In America we grew up with the Power Rangers and other awesome shit like the Power Rangers. And you had this boring-ass postman.
Sami: This feels mundane and harmless, fine for kids. Maybe this is because I'm not a small child, but this feels so SLOWLY PACED.
Ariane: The song is catchy.
Adam: What is with the guy with the Hitler mustache?