This Is What All British Daytime Shows Are Like

Got a job or a life during the daytime right now? Good. You're not missing anything.

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Think that there's something good on British TV during the day? You're deeply wrong. At 9am BBC Breakfast turns into a gushing celebrity love-in.

So you turn it over to Jeremy Kyle show...

itv.com / ITV Studios

Still... it's better than 78-year-old episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond on C4.

You get a bit bored, so you turn it over to Homes Under the Hammer.

But then it is the exciting auction bit, which consists of a man pointing and various people nodding.

bbc.co.uk / Lion Television

"Oh the flat is now at £125,000. Oh wait now it's at £130,000. £135,000!"

The house is then sold. OMG.

THEN THE REALLY EXCITABLE PRESENTER visits the people who bought the house and ask them why they bought it at auction. They respond with...

bbc.co.uk / Lion Television

The presenters response? "REALLY? FASCINATING. OMG. GREAT."

So this show is a bit dull isn't it?

But then, a house is bought! Until....

bbc.co.uk / Boundless Productions

You realise that you've just spent 45 minutes watching people not liking houses before deciding not to purchase a house.

Okay, so this is a bit crap... why not turn over to Wanted Down Under?

Bad news, every Wanted Down Under is the same too.

bbc.co.uk / BBC

Even the presenter is the same. This show (if you haven't watched it before) consists of Nicki Chapman inviting a family who hate Britain for numerous reasons (the weather, prices, the 34th series of The Only Way Is Essex) to stay in Australia before deciding with their family whether they should stay for good.

The parents and the kids arrive in Australia. They immediate love everything in this country. They are going to ditch the UK and move over here STAT.

But wait... kids miss home! Parents miss home!

bbc.co.uk / BBC

The family are forced to watch videos made by their British friends telling them how much they will miss them if they move abroad. This is a very sensitive subject, Nicki informs us.

But then... SOD IT. Let's give them some cards and force them to decide whether to move on camera.

bbc.co.uk

CHOOSE. CHOOSE. CHOOSE. YAAAAAAAAY THEY'RE MOVING.

Even the woman doing sign language for the deaf is pleased.

Okay, so now you're bored out of your mind. What's on next?

Cue people in serious accidents and situations...

bbc.co.uk / BBC Scotland

Don't worry, she isn't going to die.

Is the whole show an adrenalin-fuelled, exciting, thrilling "edge-of-your-seat" festival? Well, not really. In fact, here is a resounding answer: no.

Then you realise that you're really quite thick when you have to make words from these chosen letters.

channel4.com

You start shouting "DEN. TAN. DUE. DUEYNE? DUEYI? CADEN. IN."

After the 30 seconds are up, you think "surely everyone did crap too."