1. Nobody has a bloody clue what anything is.
2. Especially when it comes to making football pitches.
3. They also have ideas that haven't been thought of before and probably won't be thought of again.
4. They aren't bothered about measuring correctly.
BANG!
5. They really aren't good at measuring correctly.
6. They aren't that good at preparing their food.
BANG BANG BANG BANG
7. Practising at home doesn't make any difference.
8. Knowing how to use an oven? Not a problem.
9. Removing their bake from the tin? Not a problem.
10. But no worries, at least everything tastes OK.
11. And Paul and Mary are very complimentary.
12. So long as you eat the right part of the cake.
"Don't eat there because that is the top of my makeup mirror."
13. Oh well. It could be worse.
14. The people of Twitter are right. It does look a bit like Darth Vader's mask from The Force Awakens.
15. But they are good at making up cakes that would get you absolutely shitfaced in three seconds.
16. Actually fuck the cakes, let's get drunk.
17. And fuck the consequences.
UPDATE: Victoria Coren did have many shots of vodka.
