1."Now it's time for the flag ceremony. It's a new tradition. It's a way of making the show just that little bit longer."
2."They are the Beatbombers, the world DJ scratching champions. I'm not sure how many people entered that competition, but they won."
3."He has one contact lens in because I think he likes to look like an Australian sheepdog."
4."You asked for Eurovision you got Eurovision. A giant piano, a burning staircase, badly performed interpretative dance, the bar has been set very high, ladies and gentlemen."
5."I give it a month."
6."Slovenia... Her song is called Hvalana, ne!, which means thanks, no thanks. It is like she read my mind."
7."I liked the bit when she stopped the music."
8."He's found some good use for some unwanted grey leather."
9."[Alexandra Rybak] has come back with a song called "That's How You Write A Song." Ironically the song is not great."
10."Not sure we will be returning to Lisbon next year."
11."I thought you meant tonight."
12."If you're just joining us Middle Earth hasn't joined Eurovision. No, that was Albania."
13."His song is called "Lie to Me". OK. I think you're going to win."
14."I'd get out of there if I were you, Philomena. I would just run."
15."I almost feel sorry for them."
16."Answers on a postcard please."
17."It's over everyone."
18."Wow. We must applaud the use of fire-retardant hairspray during that performance there.
19."Oh here comes trouble."
20."Oh look at him. It is a charm factory."
21."Goodness. It looks like she's cut a hole in a tent."
22."Minsk looks lovely. Is that a coach station?"
23."Oh this is going to take forever."
24."We need a good quote for insurance."
25."I was about to say that [the voting] hasn't been too annoying tonight."