1."It's a grey, damp night outside, so there is a slight smell of wet dog in the arena."
2.“This year’s theme is celebrating diversity. Let’s see who they’ve chosen to host. Oh. It’s three white men.”
3."These little postcards [before the songs] tell us what to look out for. Imri goes to the gym. Who would have guessed that?"
4."Oh, that wasn't there before, ladies and gentlemen. I can only apologise. Forget the strobing lights."
5."Nothing has gone wrong. This was planned."
6."If you think my job's easy, check out the guy pretending to play the saxophone for three minutes."
7."That is one rough wedding."
8."If you're going to get someone to dress as a gorilla, at least get a decent outfit. That looks like couple of old car seats sewn together."
9."By the way, don't worry, he hasn't brought his mother's ashes on stage. It is, in fact, a mini milk churn. Who knew."
10."Oh, and in case you are wondering, there hasn't been a stage invader. She is a fully trained dancer. She is meant to be there."
11."We know where you are. We'll be in touch."
12."Answers on a postcard."
13."Not for you."
14."Ooooh, some dodgy notes in there. I wonder if there's something going wrong technically. Or maybe, he's not great."
15."She claims to be the only yodeller in Romania. Probably because the others don't talk about it. That's the first rule of yodelling club."
16."We have had a wonderful time in Kyiv... I think the city's enjoyed hosting the competition. But judging by this song, I'm guessing that they don't want us back again next year."
17."Terrific graphics. Mind you, if you're looking at the graphics something's gone terribly wrong."
18."200 million people are watching."
19."Dress-down Saturday in Baku."
20."It looks like he's just performed a magic show."
21."Clearly that is Copenhagen behind her."
22."Hope she's going out afterwards."
23."Do you think she gave the other half of her jacket to that man in Croatia?"
24."Is there a power cut?"
25."Does he know he is on television?"
26."Quite the dress. When it is finished it will be stunning."
27."That's not the weather outside. I'll tell you that now."
28."I smell charisma."
29."These two personalities coming together. It is electric."
