BBC Two's "The Big Allotment Challenge" Is Your GBBO Replacement

    There's even a bit where they pour out jam for absolutely no reason.

    Scott Bryan
    by Scott Bryan

    BuzzFeed Entertainment Editor, UK

    You may have heard about this new show...

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    EXCITING EXCITING EXCITING EXCITING EXCITING EXCITING.

    Six groups of people grow plants, make flowers and create lovely jams and stuff.

    And it's basically a garden version of The Great British Bake Off.

    Why...? Their 'preserves expert' is like Mary Berry.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River
    bbc.co.uk / Great British Bake Off / Love

    Both of the male judges have sex eyes.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River
    bbc.co.uk

    The 'greenhouse' looks like GBBO.

    bbc.co.uk
    bbc.co.uk Great British Bake Off / Love

    Absolutely everyone is lovely to each other.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River
    bbc.co.uk Great British Bake Off / Love

    Millions watched GBBO just because of this.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    The double-entendres here? VERY SIMILAR.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    Really. Really quite similar.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    Legal clarification: They are talking about jam.

    Seriously. There are quite a few here.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    And of course GBBO has got this great double-act.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    Great Allotment Challenge has the same. SEE....!

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    Poor Fearne. And yes my photoshopping skills are quite shit.

    Now Allotment Challenge hasn't got harsh time-limits.

    bbc.co.uk

    CUE EVERYONE GOING "AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

    Instead there's a lot of planting and waiting.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    In fact, they've got 15 weeks to get everything ready for the challenges.

    So that means that there's 15 weeks of this.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    Leading to incredible dramatic commentary.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    Really really intense commentary.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    PAYING THE PRICE.

    Followed by close-ups of RADISHES.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    But the best part of this show? This.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    The pouring bit of 'making some jam and curd challenge'.

    THIS JAM IS A BIT STICKY.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    THIS JAM TOO STICKY.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    THIS JAM IS A LITTLE BIT PERFECT.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    THIS ONE TOO LIQUIDY.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    The way she eats it is a bit confusing though.

    EAT THE JAM ON A SCONE NOT ON A SPOON.

    bbc.co.uk / Big Allotment Challenge / Silver River

    FFS MARY. FFS.

    The Great Allotment Challenge continues Tuesdays, 9pm on BBC Two.