23 Moments When You Realise That You Have Failed As A Man

Don’t worry, I haven’t used the dumbbell weights I bought to gain muscle either.

1. Successful men are always wearing tailored suits…

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Stephen Hird / Reuters


You haven’t worn a suit in years, so you decide to buy one. For weeks wearing one feels like this.


2. An hour later… What’s that down your trouser leg? Oh, that’s right, a food stain that won’t ever come out.

It looks mighty suspicious, so let’s not talk about it.

3. You wash clothes, and then you have to do the ironing. But you’re not that much of an ironing expert.


4. You’re also not that much of a DIY master either.


5. And do you know how to bleed your radiators? Errrrrrrrrrrr…..? ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM…..


6. And the prospect of wiring a plug? Terrifying.

7. What else are you guilty of? Oh, that’s right. Putting every single thing you own into the dishwasher in one go.

It ends up looking as if it is about to explode.

8. You leave empty bottles next to the shower that you don’t replace, for absolutely no apparent reason.

9. Then one day you decide to be a REAL MAN and cook something. You feel really ambitious. You find the most complicated recipe at your disposal…

I am so going to do well at this, you think. I am born to cook.

10. Problem? Your cupboards look like this.

11. Problem? You have no idea what half the ingredients are. You spend four hours in the supermarket.

Fox / The Simpsons / Via youtube.com

12. You then cook. You use ALL kitchen equipment.

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Cooking it also requires three phone calls to relatives and/or your housemate looking over your shoulder whilst you cook with a concerned facial expression.


13. Then the next day’s dinner? Fuck it, I’ll have this again.

14. You also decide to buy some men’s magazines to feel like a REAL man. A man of sophisticated brilliance.


15. After reading these magazines, how do you feel?

In Bruges / Universal Studios / Via youtube.com

Don’t worry. It will be OK. We’ll make it.

16. It could be worse. You could be reading Men’s Health.



17. You’re also a bit skint, so drinking a manly glass of scotch at the end of the day? A rare occasion.

18. That’s even if you like the scotch. You might find it…


19. Those huge expensive protein shakes and bars to get fit fast? Abandoned, gathering dust, on your kitchen shelf.

20. Those recipe books on the top shelf in your kitchen…?

21. That home blender to keep you in shape for the new season? It is currently in the corner of your kitchen…


22. And even though you feel as strong as anything…

Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide / Jack Mackie Pictures / Nickelodeon

23. Who is likely to beat you at arm-wrestling competitions?

ollyy / Shutterstock.

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Scott Bryan is a TV editor for BuzzFeed and is based in London. Contact this reporter at: scott.bryan@buzzfeed.com
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