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1. Dads' realise your role is generally ‘secondary carer’. Use your initiative but your role is to keep your wife sane while she is primary carer. Follow her tips and listen to her wisdom as she is the person who spends the most time with your child.
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2. A time will come when both your wife and baby will be crying – choose to comfort your wife. When she's crying keep encouraging her with lots of hugs and affirmation that everyone feels out of their depth when they first have a child. It's a massive time of adjustment with more hormones than most men could imagine.
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3. Be ready to get home from work and step straight into dad duty – looking after your child while wife rests/runs/reads/cooks/just gets out of the house. Remember it's only called "babysitting" if it's not your baby.
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4. Don't brag when the kid stops crying for you – acknowledge that the child often picks up your calm freshness (do try and bring a non-anxious presence to the situation) when the mum may be feeling frazzled after a long day of trying to stop the baby from crying.
5. Change EVERY nappy you get the chance to do; not because its fun, but because you miss out on most of this when you are out at work.
6. Get skilled at changing nappies – position yourself to the side so you don’t get crapped on, cover a baby boy’s penis so you don’t get peed on. Get things set up so changes can happen fast, especially in the cold of winter, you'll want to avoid having your kid linger about nude on the change table for any longer than necessary.
7. Encourage your wife to have some ‘me’ time – whether that’s a peaceful shower, catching up with friends or going out dancing.
8. Sing to your kid – nursery rhymes are nice but your favourite songs are more fun. See how early you can get your kid to recite your footy team's club song and the national anthem.
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9. Expect that your weekends are now SO different from what they were – drop the selfish indulgences and step up to helping out in as many ways you can think of. Weekends are as close as your wife will come to having a break and if she’s breastfeeding she probably can’t be away from that demanding little creature for more than a few hours anyway.
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10. Get a baby bjorn / baby carrier and take your child on outings - visit mates, family, supermarkets, parks, nature walks, get out and get social.
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11. Pray for your kid (especially when you are tired and struggling – God knows we all need help in parenting)
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12. Babies can be happily balanced on the lap while sitting at the computer desk or watching your favourite sport – enjoy that while the kid isn’t crawling about.
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13. Rest assured that your kid will get more interesting and interactive as they get older. Get them something fun like a jolly jumper and let their joy be contagious.
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14. Recognise this is the most out of control work situation your wife has probably ever had. You can’t over-do the praise about your wife being a great mum and when she doubts her sanity repeat to her that “You’re not going crazy” as much as is necessary.
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15. Notice the pain and damage that your wife’s vagina goes through to give birth, especially if she requires stitches. Realise that she is calling the shots on when you resume sexual relations. Don’t pressure her for action, imagine if you’d been stitched downstairs, you’d be feeling tentative too.
16. Get good at being the pack-horse, carrying the huge baby handbag as well as the fold up cot. Learn the knack of putting the fold up cot up and down in a matter of seconds.
17. If you want to get out of the house teach your baby to sleep when you are out. Whether it is sleeping in prams, in the porta-cot at friends/family houses. Having a child will reduce your social life, but it doesn’t have to kill it entirely.
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18. Despite all the struggles, parenthood is just a phase and it moves through fast, so enjoy it as best you can. You only get one first child, unless you are one of the special couples that have twins first time (God help those poor people)
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19. Laugh – when there has been a poo explosion and you don’t know whether to laugh or cry; I’d recommend you laugh knowing that this will make a story that you’ll love to tell to any other parents that will listen.
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