Once upon a time there was a horrid little senator. His name was Ted Cruz. He looked something like this.
Even his wife is a little disturbed by him. Hence, this picture.
Just about everybody else either wants to punch his face or kill him, including his college roommate.
Even his daughter will do anything to avoid a hug from the creep.
And then there's Ted auditioning for the Simpsons which is nothing short of interesting.
Some wonderful political opinions of Cruz include the following:
But let's return to his perfect family, who looks like they could perhaps be pictured on the homepage of the Klan website.
Ted loves tricking you with cute little moments like these:
But wait! They're both from ads for his presidential campaign!
The most important thing to Ted is freedom because he just cares so much and yes, that sentence is loaded with sarcasm.
Creepiness is not a new thing for Ted. According to his roommate, Ted uses to walk by the women's rooms wearing a paisley robe. I guess it must have looked something like this:
Ted, in all honesty, really shows what America is all about.
And he's especially good at following Jesus down to every last word.
And America can always trust Ted to take us back to the 1950's where not a single person was oppressed.
But this pretty much sums up how most people feel about him.
His last name isn't Cruz for no reason...
And yes, 38% of Florida voters believe that Ted is the Zodiac killer.
Even though Ted only really likes people who have studied at either Harvard or Princeton, he does share southern values.
And he certainly does have a few wonderful supporters…
But in reality, he knows that we're all just one step away from murdering him.
And in the end, we must all just remember…
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