Guys. Dating a vampire would be awful.
Mackin' it with literally any other paranormal critter is a better idea than getting it on with a vampire.
Even, like, Swamp Thing. He's a doctor, an environmentalist, super tall and entirely vegetarian.
Swamp thing also absorbs sunlight, rather than catching on fire and dying immediately.
Satyrs are the mythological sidekicks of Dionysus, Greek god of wine and partying, so they know how to have a good time.
You know who can't get drunk? Vampires.
Shapeshifters are awesome and can turn into anything you want.
Vampires are stuck with the same body forever. Warning: may result in an immortal zit.
Ghosts are low-maintenance partners— they don't need food, or water, or shirts.
And there's plenty of ways to be intimate with a ghost that don't involve bleeding out on your duvet.
Think of all the movies you could sneak into with the invisible man! All the awesome pranks you could pull together!
He photographs better than your vampire anyway.
Mermaids require a bit more maintenance—like hanging out in the bathtub, and at the beach.
Which beats hanging out in crypts and dungeons all the time.
At least a bridge troll owns real estate. Dateable.
Compare that to vampires, who, being legally dead and nocturnal, can't hold down a job more ambitious than overnight stock boy. Or blogger.
Most importantly, all of these creatures have one thing in common.
