Lessons Learned & The Art of "Adulting"
Our twenties are an exciting time, but mostly, we just spend a lot of time drinking and complaining while we struggle to "adult" (the new verb), without pants on, in an ok apartment binge-watching anything and everything on Netflix while we "chill". Hell, that description sounds exactly like what I'm doing now, before I was "inspired" to write this personal essay but I digress. Though our twenties are exciting, they're also a confusing and anxiety-inducing period of self discovery. It's become an odd, millennial generational divide between us and our parents who seemed to have a real job, a mortgage, a retirement fund and two kids by our age. But we tell ourselves we're perfectly comfortable arriving to work hungover, wondering if we can get away with wearing a top without washing it and making cereal and cheap wine staple in our diets even though we're really not. Hook-up culture is rampant, and we cringe as we scroll through our social media accounts at individuals who seem to have the whole relationship thing figured out and pour ourselves another drink. We are trying to better ourselves as we simultaneously destroy our livers, but no one needs to become a put together, business savvy individual bound for world domination and three piece suits. There are little things one can do in their everyday lives that make them more adult and moreover a more well-rounded and conscientious person. Fortunately, I stumbled through and dusted myself off for you guys so I could compile this list:
Life Lessons I Learned the Hard Way (In No Particular Order)
1.) Always Be Honest With Your Parents:
This is perhaps the only lesson in a particular order, because it's truly that important. I know plenty of people who have strained and estranged relationships with their parents, so whomever you deem a parent figure, be honest with them. Without going into too much situational detail, I personally dug myself into an enormous hole of deceit with my parents and if I could redo anything in life, I would go back and be forthcoming with them or have avoided the situation entirely by simply doing the few things that were expected of me. Our parents love us unconditionally and do what they can to support us, whether it be encouragement or monetarily, to live out our dreams and more importantly to be happy. Nothing makes a parent more at ease than when their children are happy and honest with them, which is why our lies and our actions have such an impact on that relationship and why they cause our parents so much hurt. If you're struggling, tell your parents. If you royally fucked up, tell your parents. If you've been hurt or wronged by someone, tell your parents. They are literally a built-in therapist at your disposal 24/7 who will never charge you for their services, will help you to right your wrongs, sit and cry with you if you've been wronged and eventually laugh with you when everything sorts itself out. They really are pretty awesome people who never do receive the credit they deserve, so do them the solid of being honest and loving them back. Trust me, it'll make their day/year/life. That being said, there are certain things you may want to leave out though i.e. your sex life, the drugs you experimented with in college (unless your parents are DOPE AF) and any antics or hooliganism that don't necessarily paint their child in the most positive light.
2.) Actively Trying To Forget Something Doesn't Make It Go Away
This is a biggy. I have made an art out of avoidance and procrastination, but it really does nothing for your nerves nor does it resolve the issue or what needs to be accomplished and it leaves your Xanax bottle perpetually empty. I do this regularly with my emails, with school work, with work work when really it would just make life a hell of a lot easier if I dealt with things as they come and handle them in a timely fashion. Deadlines in school may be bizarre, abstract and meaningless (trust me they're bullshit), but you paid to be in that class, or your parents paid for you to be in that class, and ultimately your professor is the one doling out grades so just get shit done. Emails are the adult form of communication. Though it seems really '90's, dial-up era to us, trust me, the information being sent your way is not going to be an email that needs to be sent to ten people or you'll die, but then again maybe it is idk what industry you're working in. Check your damn email 'cause Bernie's really sick of hearing about your damn emails. Do it for yourself and do it for Bernie Sanders because no matter which way you swing politically you've gotta admit he's the coolest 70+ year old person you know. And work, for crying out loud people you're getting paid actual money to do that task! Just do it! Because they can very easily fire your ass and pay someone else to do what you deem a medial task. Everyone's replaceable (a bonus lesson I learned the hard way which applies to work, lovers, friends, etc.) And, I suppose reinforcing Lesson #1 a tad, if you mess up, be honest to whomever is in charge, offer a solution and if you don't know the solution, ASK! Communication in the workplace has been repeatedly cited as the #1 problem in any workplace situation so do the world a favor and communicate, face to face, do not hide behind any form of a screen. Face to face communication is important, not a novelty and we don't practice that very basic interaction enough in today's age.
3.) Eat A Well-Balanced Diet And Exercise
Seriously folks, this is important. In our twenties, we all think we're invincible and can eat 40 mozzarella sticks in one sitting, binge drink all night and pass out in our beds with 4th Meal from Taco Bell. As appetizing as that all sounds, it will do nothing for both your short-term and longterm health. I'm actually approaching this key point from a few different angles so just bare with me. First I guess I'll address the title of this Lesson, what is a well-balanced diet? It seems like a complicated science, but really it's actually as simple as it sounds. I was a vegetarian for 10+ years and did nothing to properly supplement that diet to make up for all the necessary vitamins, minerals, fats, proteins, etc. I was missing out on for 10 years which honestly is a pretty significant amount of time for anyone. As a result, even though I have now started incorporating fish, chicken and eggs into my diet, I developed both anemia and a B-12 deficiency in that my body cannot properly absorb B-12 since it's been so long since I've consumed it regularly. I now, even though I do eat a well-balanced diet, need to take iron supplements everyday and receive monthly B-12 injections when this all could have been avoided by simply eating a well-balanced diet. Though these conditions are minuscule, they do have some serious side effects if left untreated. If you are going to be vegan, vegetarian, only eat burgers for the rest of your life, be sure to get all the necessary nutrients your body needs to function. Secondly, you can't do cheese and wine and everything's fine everyday because everything's not fine when you can no longer fit into your pants that you don't want to wear anyway but society makes us if we leave our homes. I did this for about a year/year and a half, hardly exercised and hardly fit into any of my clothes that have fit me since high school. It was all fine in the winter when I could rock leggings and parkas, but once bikini season rolled around like it always does, it wasn't pretty. I'm going to take a break for a second and tangent: this is by no means a series of fat shaming or body shaming remarks and I hope to God it is not interpreted that way. Body confidence, no matter your size is extremely important, but being healthy, exercising moderately and eating well are important elements of anyone's life regardless of what the scale says or what your size says. Everyone is perfect the way they are, but everyone should be mindful of what we consume, that's all. Lastly, it's perfectly ok to take a break from alcohol. In fact, it's going to save you a ton of money. Alcohol, though I love it just as much if not more than the next person, is pretty destructive internally over time and can lead to some decision-making that probably is not in your favor. Everything in moderation, but that's not to say you can't have some rowdy evenings, everyone does, we're in our twenties, it happens and we learn.
4.) You Don't Always Have To Be DTF
In a society where it's perfectly acceptable to hook-up, ghost people, swipe left or right or pick up girls/guys at the bar, you don't necessarily have to, it's not expected of you and if you do, which is a-ok too, you don't always have do be willing and ready to bone. Hell, even if you're in a committed and loving relationship, you don't have to be either. If you're not in the mood, want to get to know someone more, haven't shaved in a while because it's wintertime, whatever the reason may be it's perfectly acceptable to say "NO." And if whomever you're with doesn't find that acceptable, lose him/her and if they force it, report him/her. Everyone talks about being "sexually liberated" and "embracing their sexuality" these days which is great, unprecedented and awesome, but know what you will and will not stand for, know your limits and know that saying "No" or "Not Tonight" shouldn't be a deal breaker, and if it is, this is by no means a reflection of you and your self-worth. It simply means you respect yourself and really aren't in the mood. I think guys and girls these days are so used to hearing "Yes" that it's almost assumed that that's going to be the course of action and they get upset and almost irrational when things don't play out the way they envisioned. This can happen even if they're a great person objectively, have been a great person in past encounters or even just from what you can glean from limited, drunken sweet nothings. If someone can't handle you saying "No" walk away, nothing ventured nothing gained. If you are committed to this person, be honest with them and if they're still upset, let them be. They'll be over it soon enough. No one should do something they aren't comfortable or not in the mood to do when it involves their body, their physical health and their mental well-being. That being said, don't go out and be a tease either. No one likes games.
5.) Be Spiritual In Some Capacity
I know, this is the one that will make everyone want to run for the hills but hear me out. Being spiritual does not have to mean claiming God and Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, but if it does, that's great too. Organized religion, no matter the doctrine, is an amazing thing. It brings people together, gives them hope and helps to guide their lives in what they and their deity believes is a positive and meaningful direction. What I mean by being spiritual, however, does not mean that you have to ascribe to any one religion, theory or belief, you just need to have something greater than yourself that drives you, guides your values and morals and gives you hope and a reason to be here. Your "God" can even be as simple as being a good person, living a life that embodies your morals and demonstrates compassion to others. In doing this, I've found, I am happier and moreover I have a reason for my being and a motivating factor that propels me in the right direction. It provides me with a conscience of right from wrong and allows me to make positive and meaningful decisions for myself and those around me. It's a good thing, trust me on this one.
6.) Refrain From Judgement And Apologize When You're In the Wrong
This is a simple and yet it's often overlooked or forgotten entirely. I know myself that I have wrongly judged and gossiped about others and have neglected to apologize to the people I've hurt. It's going to happen, no one's perfect, but when you screw up, own it. We all love to gossip, and social media, tabloid magazines and a cellphone we can't let go of make it so easy to exchange that information that we feed off of. But it's really just a bunch of negative energy, no matter how juicy or ratchet the details. But that's just it, we don't always have all of the details when we relay this information and it causes us to form judgements about others when we don't always have the full story. Everyone finds themselves in less than ideal situations at different times, and this statement encompasses an array of things. But by judging others, we're really doing nothing to help and it only paints us as callous individuals. I've been guilty of judging a book by it's cover or even its chapter plenty of times. Society places enough pressure on us already so why add to it? And if we do, apologize. If you've wronged anyone, apologize but more importantly, mean it. There are so many things I wish I could take back and so many people I wish I could make amends with, and on top of it all, it just feels pretty awful inside and it weighs heavily on my mind. I tried to hide behind these mistakes and even justify them because I was wronged in return, but no one has control over anyone else's actions but their own so be the bigger person and apologize. It may feel like they're getting one over you, but in the end, you're the one who's actually winning and besides being a decent person really isn't a competition.
7.) It's More Than Ok To Take A Break From Social Media, Toxic Friendships, Etc.
This can actually be pretty challenging even though it seems like a no-brainer. Social media has expanded at such a rate where we feel as if we need to know every last thing that's going on with every last person we know, we're stalking or we want to get to know. It causes us to internalizes things as abstract as how many "likes" our posts have which is really an absurd standard by which we measure ourselves. And yet we continue. I've been dubbed the "Selfie Queen" plenty of times which I realize is a joke but is it really? What does what I'm posting say about me or what I'm attempting to validate? I've said it before and I'll say it again, we need to have more face to face conversation. Negative comments on social media are difficult to combat, but when you're in person, you have a better chance of calling that person out. On the flip side of that, if someone tells you something positive, it feels much more genuine and meaningful when it's exchanged in person. Otherwise, we're reading too much into it, like is it sarcasm? Why was that their word choice? Is that what they think of me? Social media is great but it really clouds our judgement and adds a bizarre layer to the way we communicate. Most of the time, when someone removes themselves from these social spheres, it's applauded not used against them. If the internet gets to be too much, it's absolutely ok to excuse yourself for awhile. Same goes with friendships. If they get to be too much and you realize that things are repeatedly heading in directions that make you uncomfortable, make you feel bad about yourself or involve some unhealthy choices, it's really ok to walk away for awhile to gather your thoughts about the friendship and whether its worth it to you to continue to pursue it. Respect yourself and make a stand for yourself and what you believe is right but ensure you do so in a way that isn't damaging to others.
8.) Start Saving, Start Diversifying, Budget And Know The Value Of A Dollar
This is pretty self-explanatory and because I'm not exactly a finance wiz or a personal banker, I can't go over your options with you, but just know they exist and should definitely be utilized and personalized to your particular financial situation. Saving is easy and difficult at the same time, but it's incredibly necessary. Additionally, it's always smart to start saving for the longterm so you're prepared at every step of the game. And like I mentioned earlier, I'm not a numbers girl, but do take the time to talk to your bank about what options you have to diversify because it really never hurts. I too would like to spend all that I make the second I make it and have a real good time doing it, but as much as it sucks money is truly what makes the world go round and without it because you decided to foolishly spend it, life takes a pretty difficult turn. This is why budgeting is such an awesome yet monotonous tool. When you know how much is coming in and what is going to be spent every month, you can balance it out while still leaving some for your savings. And if go over your budget with too many cocktails, guess you'll be eating ramen for awhile and that'll get old so you probably won't pull the same stunt again. Lastly, do know the value of a dollar and work hard to earn it. Too many people comment on how our generation has zero work ethic and feels entitled so lets go ahead and prove them wrong. Hard work, even though we like to think it does, does not go unnoticed no matter what industry, career or job you find yourself in. Unless you're fortunate enough to be the CEO, promotion is always on the table and you'll know you've rightfully earned it and that you're diet of ramen will come to a rapid close.
9.) Being Confident Is Difficult, But Do Realize Your Worth
This is the note I shall leave us on. Though most people would lump these two ideas into the same category, I believe that they are related however not one in the same. I'm not at all a confident person, and I think most people realize that about me based on my body language and how I refer myself or make comments about myself. Like everyone else, I too have a lot of demons and negative voices that I continue to let get the better of me instead of shutting them out entirely. Confidence is definitely something I need to actively work toward, but my mother always tells me to just fake it until I make it (in terms of confidence) which helps significantly, especially after some liquid courage. But even if you're not the most confident person in your own skin, do realize your worth. Everyone, even if you think you are the dredge of society, has worth and is worthy of kindness, respect and advancement in various forms. And you should know that you're worthy of these things and stand up for yourself when someone tries to belittle that. You are not your circumstances, you are not a reflection of your past, you are not your title at work, you're here for a reason whatever it may be and there's no reason why you should have to be made to feel less than. I'm by no means saying you have to walk around like you're better than everyone else, you just need to recognize your value and that everyone has value and should be treated as such. Once you've acknowledged your own worth and what you personally bring to the table, confidence will come eventually. Being confident is a true sign of maturity, and I don't know what could be more "adult" than that. :)
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