Who Would You Go To Space With?

Which of the 13 on Buzzfeed’s list would you want to spend life with on Mars?

Ever since my sister showed me the Buzzfeed article featuring 13 of the finalists who may be shipped off with no return ticket to start a civilization on Mars (how much crazy could you fit into an intro?) I have been completely fascinated. Mars-One is mind-boggling. What will they do when they get there? Where will they live? Will they have babies? What if they need a doctor? Can they access BuzzFeed? What about Netflix? WILL THEY BE ABLE TO BINGE WATCH???

It's something so surreal...almost like a Hunger Games of sorts. After 7 years of training, 4 people will be shipped off to Mars where they will start a civilization. Two men and two women will be responsible for creating a government and religion (if any of either) to live by, pro-create and live a life. Every 2 years, two additional people will join to add some fun to the mix. Even Andy Cohen couldn't make this up.

But I keep picturing being stuck in space with 3 people. Even if it's just us 4 until more people arrive, I would go insane. Out of the thousands of finalists, 4 will be chosen by a panel that will have to take a ton of shit into consideration: They need to be smart, brave, have technical skills of course. But most importantly, they need to have very strong social skills in order for this to work out.

Just because they're in space doesn't mean they're abandoning their social checklists. What annoys them on Earth will annoy them up there, too. If one of the four is a huge complainer, that will probably hinder the whole pro-creation thing. If another has a background of playing video games all day in their underwear and thus has any of the stereotypical qualities of this type, they'll probably have some issues with the ladies.

So which of the 13 on Buzzfeed's list would you want to spend life with on Mars?

Amuyla Nidhi Rasgoti is an interesting fella.

Would I want to cuddle up with a Dell tech dude? Probably not. He could be a sweetie, but his fun fact is that he's always trying to be Batman. Get your ass to Six Flags and ride away.

Liela Zucker, an emergency physician

Well, looks like Liela's got some skills in the doctoral department, so I'd feel great knowing she'd help me if all that Mars dust gave me an asthma attack. However, her intolerance of children would probably be a very bad thing. "I don't like kids, I don't have kids, I don't want kids — I'm too busy being a big kid myself!" Considering that you're 1 of 4 people responsible for STARTING A NEW SOCIETY, you're probably going to have to come into contact with baby wipes at one point or another.

Brian Hinson seems like the perfect pick for this. I mean, he's a pilot, has technical experience with airplanes, travels the world and has long blonde hair! But then Brian did the most annoying thing ever- he unbuttoned his shirt and flexed his chest muscles to show off his abominable bod. That's a red flag for STAGE FIVE ASS PAIN.

Sara Director is a great choice. She brings plenty to the table! She's an interior designer, so she'd be the perfect person to head up the aesthetics of the whole thing. She also said she'd bring spices to Mars, so I have a feeling she'd be able to make space veggies taste delish. Sara is pretty normal and we'd have some fun, but we'd both name our grandchildren after us, so the whole universe will be full of Sara/h's. I refuse to be referred to as "SARAH with AN H."

Michael Archavian is a computer repair man, man, man, man. He has a FEAR OF HEIGHTS. One must go pretty high to get to Mars.

I am done here.

Mathias Gordon looks like MacGyver. I'd feel safe knowing he's there with me. He's not just ready…he's "110% ready." The man looks like he'd be able to build a skyscraper with a pair of pliers and some twigs. So what if he likes to walk around in a kilt? I like to walk around in my NSYNC 1998 Tour t-shirt. We all have our issues.

Dan Carey is 51. I'm a huge fan of old people like George Clooney (swooooon) but...let's be real here, people. I'm pretty sure they're looking for some young blood. I could be wrong, and if I am, invite him aboard. He's a data architect, whatever that is, and his video was super organized with all those on screen cards. Dan would be the guy I'd call to my pod when it's time for Spring cleaning. (Or whatever season we deem as official Throw-Your-Shit-Out week.) He admits he'd miss his wife, so we know he's no space psycho, even though he said he'll wear his Star Trek suit to space.

Katelyn Kitty Kane wants to leave earth to escape her student loan. Irresponsible, Kitty! Who knows what she'd do up in Mars? (Totally kidding. I know plenty of people who'd run away from Earth to escape different kinds of woes). But then again, she promises her fellow astronauts will always have good hair, and that's REALLY important to me. I don't know if Keratin works in space, and she'd be the perfect person to spearhead that experiment. She also builds furniture out of cardboard.

Joshua Kemp admits he would miss his wife, too. He totally knows how exciting this is for everyone, but killed his whole appeal when he said "What is my sense of humor? Well I am willing to change my name to Joshua Apple Google Facebook McDonald's." Talk about out of this world comedy, Joshua. Next.

Sylbelle Syperphoenix is a self-proclaimed pole-dancing nerd. She's afraid of underwater training because she's scared she'll drown. I imagine that walking around in a space suit on Mars would trigger something similar to a fear of drowning. But that's just my opinion, man. Sidenote, when they asked her what she'd bring to the table, I totally thought she'd say her killer dance moves. Alas, she didn't. Minus 1 for missed humor opportunity.

Alison Rigby wants to show Earthlings that life can go on without war and money issues. We'd probably do a shitload of kumbaya together. She seems very professional and calm about all of this. Maybe too calm? Give us some umph, baby! You want to move to Mars!

Bill Dunlap can fix anything. Bill has a high IQ. Bill has no fear of the mission. Bill also has no sense of humor, or personality. When you're 25% of the population, you've got to bring more than 1% of the social interaction, at least. This guy is a bore. He could be great for Shipment 2 when shit starts to hit the fan and repairs are needed. But for now someone more lively would make a better fit.

Ara Molina has the entertainment factor down pat. Maybe I'm prejudice of her tats, nose ring and excessive eyeliner, but Ara seems like the type that's always looking to shake things up. Everyone needs a friend who pulls them out of their comfort zone, and Ara may just be that person. Plus, she wants to bring a hard drive full of tv shows and movies, making her the perfect binge-buddy.

So who would you bring? (Not me, I'd just nitpick at everything)