'Twas The Month Before Valentines

A poetic ode to single ladies everywhere.

Twas' the month before Valentines, and all through the world,

Single ladies were panicking, every woman and every girl.

The holiday of Hallmark was fast approaching,

Maybe I'll find love on Tinder, one single gal was hoping.

The halls of Duane Reade were decked in pink and red,

And while passing the chocolates this particular girl shook her head.

This year would be different the single ladies swore to each other,

They would get all roses, and not from their mothers!

But this year, Valentines would be tricky as it would be on a Saturday,

To go out or stay in? Dear God show her the way!

The girl fondly remembered last year when Netflix released House of Cards,

What a genius marketing plan to keep singles out of the bars!

But time was passing and the winter was cold,

And grandmother kept reminding her that she's getting 'a little old.'

So the girl huddled together with her friends to make a plan,

She would find a date, she would land a great man!

How she longed for the elementary Valentines of her past,

Where you had to give a card to every boy and girl in the class.

She doesn't even like roses they're way too cliché,

But wouldn't be totally opposed if someone sent her an anonymous bouquet…

Perhaps an ex flame would have to make do,

Mark, Chris, James, or Connor, just to name a few.

Another week had passed, she needed a date quick!

Wait what about Jake, Brad or that guy Nick?

No, Jake was too arrogant and Brad too… small,

She needed someone smart, witty, handsome, and tall.

Then she remembered Rick, he had a big .. apartment,

And he'd pay for her drinks a gentleman and a bargain!

She texted her friend 'yo what's up with Rick?'

Came back the response, 'Oh, him, he's going out with some skinny chick.'

She resorted to Facebook, who was this new girlfriend?

Was this skinny girl someone with whom she could contend?

So on she went to look through the girl's Instagram pix;

Omg! She IS skinny this new chick of Ricks!

But her friends all assured her, 'you're prettier, just look at that ass,'

'And all she wears is forever 21, you totes have more class!'

With Rick out it was onto the dating apps, mainly Tinder and Hinge

A cute Match! But he opened the convo with an emoji, total cringe.

But she will not stay in no matter how tempting her Netflix,

This year her Valentines would not be sexless!

She needed a guy decent enough for just one date;

At this point all she asked was that he be passably straight.

But January had turned to February, and the 14th drew near;

She sighed, it would be another single Valentines this year.

Her girlfriends said 'don't worry,' we'll come over with bottles of wine;

Together they would have a lovely drunken time.

So the 14th came and the girls gathered to drink,

'Cheers to us' they said, and let their wine glasses clink.

A text from her parents read 'happy v-day honey!'

She groaned, she'd been hoping for a card…and a little money.

But by the time she went out she didn't mind the couples and their PDA;

She was four shots deep and was feeling ok!

At the bar she danced and comforted a crying girl in the bathroom stall,

'We're single and hot,' she said, we deserve it all!

On that note she decided to draw the Valen-night to an end,

And when she got home a final thought popped into her head!

She would text her friends to confirm brunch the next day,

Because bacon and eggs is just the long version of the word 'BAE'

So before she drifted off, she knew things would turn out all-right

'Happy Valentines!' she texted, 'And good-fucking-night.'