Eight Things I Can Thank My Exes For

Other than the obvious THANKS FOR NOTHING.

1. My expertise in wine

Via winemind.com

Because break ups = wine, and the more wine you drink, the more you know about wine (I think?)

2. My good selfies

Via media.giphy.com

I'm serious business about making my exes regret their decisions, even if it takes two hours of prep time and 700 tries to get one decent photo. #worthit

3. My array of hobbies

Via images.wildammo.com

Instead of doing boring shit like being in love, I tried cooking...crafts... I EVEN JOINED A GYM...and I also finished all of the coloring books I got for Christmas.

4. My rekindled friendships

Via tumblr.com

It turns out that all of the friends that you guys hated, are, BY FAR, the most fun to hang out with ;)

5. My more thorough understanding of human stupidity

Via reactiongifs.com

One time my ex-boyfriend pocket-dialed me, accidentally left me a voicemail in which he was talking shit about me, and then denied the whole thing. THANKS FOR THE LIFE LESSON ON LIARS, CAMERON.

6. Similarly, my intolerance for bullshit

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You know how people always say they're going to change and you kinda wanna believe them? You shouldn't. But sometimes you gots to learn about bullshit the hard way.

7. My very specific list of relationship requirements

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I told myself that my next boo would be beautiful and nice and funny and smart...soooo basically nothing like any of my exes.

8. And, most importantly, my current levels of happiness

Via media.tenor.co

Without all of you in my past, I wouldn't be where I am now...and where I am now RULEZ. So all in all: thanks for breaking up with me; I only hate some of you; have a nice life; kthxbye.