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    33 Valentine's Day Gifts For Unromantic People

    Whether you're more into practical or funny gifts, these are your alternatives to the typical Valentine's Day gifts that make you groan.

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. A pair of diamond-shaped whiskey glasses, because real diamonds are really out of the budget this year, and your person has an impressive track record when it comes to losing little trinkets anyways.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "They have a nice weight, can be used for wine or scotch, and company always wants to know where I got them. They add a bit of uniqueness to the table, really a special touch!" —Jean S.

    Get a set of two 10 oz glasses from Amazon for $32.99.

    2. A gothic skull ring for anyone's who totally over dainty, heart-shaped jewelry — and it doubles as a bottle opener, so cheers!

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $12.99 (available in sizes 7–15).

    3. Odor-neutralizing charcoal packs to stick into their shoes and do them a big favor, because nothing says "I love you" like "Your feet are stinky and my nose is suffering greatly as a result."

    Amazon

    Promising review: "I have a pair of black leather flats that stank so badly my husband would yell at me if I took them off anywhere near him. But I love the shoes!!! So I had to find something to make the stench go away without leaving me with an allergic reaction. Mini Moso was the answer. I honestly couldn’t believe it. A few days after placing them in my prized shoes I took a whiff from about a foot away — nothing. I got closer. Nothing. I stuck my nose practically in the shoe. Ok, maybe that’s pushing things, but I’ve got to tell you that 95% of the broken-in leather grossness was gone. So happy!!!" —Erin

    Get a pair from Amazon for $9.95.

    4. An actually stylish pair of Privé Revaux blue light-blocking glasses to alleviate some of the stress from your partner's eyes after a long day of staring at screens. Useful > romantic all day.

    Maitland Quitmeyer

    Promising review: "Everyone knows from previous reviews that these glasses are unique and high fashion. I wanted to add that they do indeed block blue light. I am a graduate student and look at computer screens, iPad screens, and powerpoint presentations all day. Personally I feel that my eyes feel less dry and less tired at the end of the day. I tested them once while driving and they did make the light feel less intense, even though they are not tinted. I used a blue light filtering testing kit that came with a different pair of glasses, and they passed. The glasses are on the heavy side but they're comfortable and have a solid, un-cheap feel." —Ss Max

    Read our full review of Privé Revaux blue light-blocking glasses (#1)!

    Get it from Amazon for $29.95 (available in three different frames).

    5. A teddy bear keychain that's a little less sentimental with its words, because sometimes we aren't as classy as we seem to be and that's perfectly fine.

    Amazon

    😏😏😏

    Get it from Amazon for $7.95.

    6. Audio-sharing Bluetooth Wearhaus Arc+ headphones, so you can both listen to your favorite tunes without having to give up sound quality in one ear or getting your shared earbuds tangled. And most importantly, without having to deal with their gross earwax.

    Instagram: @https://www.instagram.com/wearhaus/p/BcGmVKTly5C/, instagram.com

    What's mine is mine. What's yours is yours. The end.

    So what makes these headphones perfect for you and your person? They have suuuper comfortable, sound-isolating protein leather memory foam ear padding, customizable LED lighting (with 16 million color possibilities!), an 15-hour battery life, a 100-feet outdoor and 65-feet indoor range, and it's extremely easy to sync up two (or more!) pairs either through the headphones themselves or the Wearhaus app.

    Promising review: "As an avid music listener, I've had my fair share of various headphones from reputable brands such as Sony and Sennheiser over the years — but nothing quite like the Wearhaus ARC+s. These social headphones allow me and my partner to listen to the same music with ease; now we can listen to music together in public, quiet areas such as the library or even at home if we want. The ARC+s have the freedom you get from bluetooth headphones, combined with a surprisingly fantastic sound experience for hip-hop music listeners such as myself." —Amazon Customer

    Get one from Amazon for $99.99, or a set of two for $159.99 (available in two colors).

    And check out our picks for best noise-cancelling headphones on BuzzFeed Reviews!

    7. A classic Tina Belcher mug to very eloquently profess your love for butts, but especially your special someone's butt. 🍑

    Etsy

    "Your ass is grass and I'm gonna mow it." —another classic quote by Tina

    Get it from Misanthropy And Such on Etsy for $10.99+ (available in two sizes).

    8. Or a delightfully squishy corgi butt mousepad that'll support and cuddle their worn-out wrists — and, of course, make them laugh a lot. The height on those cheeks!!

    Amazon

    Promising review: "This is the best ass I have EVER seen. Firm, yet squishy. Soft, yet supportive. Excellent wrist support. And not to mention, it is so frickin' cute. The material of the mouse pad is also very soft and works very well. The bottom of the mouse pad also keeps it still no matter how much you move. It's a durable and fantastically thought-out product. 15/10." —Benny Wyatt McCann

    Get it from Amazon for $11.99+ (available in two colors).

    9. A bottle of Mike's Hot Honey Sauce to add a bit of ~spice~ to your relationsh–I mean, dinner.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "It's just the right amount of heat to make it interesting, but not so hot that it'll interfere with other flavors. One of my peeves about spicy versions of normally non-spicy items is that it's often all about the heat but the flavors imparted by the chilies aren't particularly noticeable or interesting. This honey has a great chili FLAVOR to it, in addition to the heat, but it doesn't overwhelm the flavor of the honey at all. I like it on buttered toast and on fried chicken equally well, and this has definitely become a staple 'sauce' for me!" —S. Ferguson

    Read our full review of MIke's Hot Honey if you need further convincing.

    Get it from Amazon for $9.11.

    10. A larger-than-life wine glass with the capacity to fill a WHOLE BOTTLE of the good stuff, because you never believe your S.O. when they say "I'm just having one glass, I swear."

    Amazon

    Promising review: "This was actually much larger than I thought it was going to be, but that's not a problem at all — another excuse to drink more!" —Duo Gong

    Get it from Amazon for $14.99 (available in seven designs).

    11. And an wine aerator can help enhance the taste and palate of any wine, cheap or expensive — but mostly cheap, especially if they're going to drinking it in large quantities in a short amount of time *ahem*.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "This product does exactly what it says it does. It flat out makes wine taste better in a flash! I have never used an aerator before so I really didn't know what to expect. I decided to pour one glass without aerating and one glass with. The difference in aroma and taste is easily noticeable. The best way for me to describe it would be to say the wine is just smoother with the aerator. I did my sampling on a $15 bottle of wine as well as a $100 bottle and in both instances there were noticeable differences in taste" —P. Spell

    Get it from Amazon for $18.95.

    12. A cheeky T-shirt that they might not wear outside the house, but at least when they're lounging, they'll always remember that they repulse you the least and that you tolerate them (which are big compliments, TBH).

    Etsy, Hot Topic

    Get the first tee from She Squats Clothing on Etsy for $21.60 (available in sizes XS–3XL and many shirt/ink colors) and the second tee from Hot Topic for $19.92 (originally $24.90; available in sizes S–XL and in red/pink).

    13. A bamboo tub caddy, because oftentimes the best gift isn't one you can use together, but the gift of ~alone time~ — and better yet if it accommodates a good book, chill tunes, and a glass of vino.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Simply put, this tray is awesome! It looks beautiful on my tub and functions very well. The grooves for the tablet and phone holders are deep and secure, so the devices are very stable when they are in them." —Cosmopolitan

    Get it from Amazon for $42.97.

    14. A wrap-around travel pillow to support your loved one's neck, chin, and weary soul — because traveling is tough as it is on the body, might as well make it slightly more pleasant!

    amazon.com, BuzzFeed

    I personally own this baby and I totally stand by it! It gives the right amount of cushioning without being too tight or hot/overbearing. Btw, this is our pick for the best mid-priced travel pillow on BuzzFeed Reviews!

    Promising review: "It's better than the traditional travel pillow because it just cradles your neck in plush loveliness. My daughter tried it and she was asleep within 20 mins; she woke up an hour later and said that was the best sleep she had in a while, and she didn't have a crook in her neck. My dad tried, and the same thing happened. Within minutes he was asleep in his chair with the TV on. On my plane ride this pillow held my chin upright, so I didn't get any crooks in my neck. The 3.5 hour plane ride was wonderful and it felt like I had an 8-hour nap. I felt well-rested. Great investment." —Sherie M.

    Get it from Amazon for $29.97 (available in three sizes and seven colors).

    15. Comfy noise-blocking ear plugs as your way of saying "Sorry I snore so loudly — hope these bring you lots of sweet, undisturbed dreams." 😅

    Amazon

    Promising review: "My girlfriend snores like a wildebeest. At her most cacophonous I could still hear her, but due to the excellence of your product, the discordant intrusion that usually closely resembles a 1958 Chevrolet in dire need of a tune-up was muted enough that I hated her much less than normal. In fact, I slept quite soundly. Your product probably saved our relationship. I'm thankful for that, because she's quite the lovely lass despite the primal death-cry that escapes her face each night. Thanks a bunch. Cheers!" —Dave Shelton

    Get a container of 30 individually wrapped pairs from Amazon for $12.50.

    16. And speaking of better sleep for the *both* of you, a two-inch gel-infused memory foam mattress topper that'll provide your tushes (as well as your backs, sides, and joints) some much-needed cush.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Upgrading your mattress with this topper is well worth it, and far less expensive than replacing a cheap spring mattress with a whole new expensive one. It's so comfy; I find it easy to fall asleep, but it's a little harder to will myself out of bed now. It also dampens your partner's movements, so they disturb you less. My boyfriend is less sore from a long day at work after sleeping on this. Very happy." —Dreamcass

    Get it from Amazon for $38.49+ (available in two or three inch widths and twin to California king sizes).

    And check out our picks for best pillows on BuzzFeed Reviews!

    17. A quirky "Faces I Know" poster for an accurate representation of your many moods throughout your relationship, especially your face at 3 a.m. when you've been rudely awakened by their arm unconsciously slapping the wits out of your face.

    Urban Outfitters

    That face is the middle one in the second-to-last row, in case you were wondering.

    Get it from Urban Outfitters for $19+ (available in five sizes and 13 frames, or no frame).

    18. A "Tainted Love" gift box stuffed with disease microbes that depict romance gone a little bit awry — love is all about flexing your funny bone, isn't it?

    Amazon

    Meet your new mini friends: Herpes, Chlamydia, The Clap, HPV, and Syphilis.

    Get it from Amazon for $19.95.

    19. An Instant Pot to make cooking a hearty, filling meal a ~s n a p~, and anyone who is otherwise too lazy to tend to and wait around for a pot over the stove (your S.O., ahem) might just be tempted to make food for you every so often. *swoon*

    Amazon

    It's a pressure cooker, slow cooker, rice cooker, steamer, sauté pan, yogurt maker, and food warmer all rolled into one nifty appliance — plus, it has 14 ~Smart Programs," which makes cooking soups, meat, chili, rice, and more as easy as loading up and pressing a button! Check out our full review of the Instant Pot, and check out some Instant Pot recipes and tips too!

    Promising review: "I use this thing EVERY SINGLE DAY! It does EVERYTHING! I made the best pull-apart chicken of my life. It cooks rice in record time. And why spend all day cooking dried beans when you can just throw them in this thing, and it cooks in like 40 minutes! It's like a rice cooker, stove top, slow cooker, and oven all in one! Easy to use, easy to clean up, and the best lazy cooking I've ever done." —Mike

    Get it from Amazon for $79.95+ (available in three sizes).

    20. Foreo's Luna 2 so they can clean up their face and get rid of dead skin in 60 seconds, because you might be the only person who has to stare at their blackhead-ridden nose up close, but you're also the only person who matters!!!

    Foreo

    The ~second generation~ of the Luna utilizes up to two times the T-Sonic™ power to remove up to 99.5% of dirt and oil that can contribute to adult-onset acne breakouts. The brush areas on both sides are also considerably bigger than the original Luna, and there are 12 different speeds compared to Luna's eight. The narrow tip is perfect for cleaning every nook and cranny of your face, getting into the creases on the side of your nose you blended your concealer so carefully into in the morning.

    And! The wavy pattern on the back of the Luna 2 uses lower-frequency pulsations to massage the face and help diminish the appearance of fine lines around the eyes and mouth, and leave the skin looking firm and lifted! "Do you never age? What is this wizardry?" —everyone to you, probably

    Check out our full review of the Foreo Luna 2 for more deets!

    Get it from Foreo for $199 (available in four versions for normal, combination, sensitive, and oily skin).

    You can also buy Foreo's Day & Night Cleansers to pair with your Luna if you'd so like.

    21. A cuddly Gudetama plushie if you feel "meh" about Valentine's Day gifts, but "YES, must squish" about Gudetama.

    Urban Outfitters

    Gudetama would totally buy a last-minute Valentine's Day gift — or just not buy one at all, because he was too lazy to get out of bed.

    Get it from Urban Outfitters for $32.

    22. "My side" and "your side" pillowcases to set very necessary and very fair sleeping boundaries — hey, you *do* make the rules.

    Amazon

    Get the set from Amazon for $31.99.

    23. A mini cushion that'll say "You turn my stomach into knots" without having to say it yourself, because they're not getting any sentimentality out of you.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $23.99 (available in 14 colors).

    24. A jerky heart tin for anyone who'd much rather snack on their gift than watch it wither away in a matter of days and *not* be able to eat it (yeah, talkin' bout you, flower bouquets).

    Man Crates

    It comes with 10 different types of jerky, including sesame ginger, ghost pepper, whisky maple, and honey bourbon.

    Get it from Man Crates for $34.99.

    25. An Echo Plus, so they can direct their laziness towards Alexa instead of asking you to turn off the lights, change the room temp, order pizza, request Ubers when *they're* running late, and give 'em the rundown of today's news — 'cause what are you, their servant?? No sirree.

    Amazon

    Lots of reviewers say this second generation Echo Plus has superior sound quality and picks up voices much better than the first generation — probably because this model has seven microphones, beamforming technology, and noise cancellation, so it hears you from any direction — even while music is playing at a loud volume. It also has a built-in Zigbee hub to easily set up and control your compatible smart home devices, as well as a temperature sensor. It can also play music, answer questions, read the news, check the weather, set alarms, control compatible smart home devices, call/message almost anyone hands-free — and if there are other Echo devices in the house, you can drop in to those and make an announcement through them.

    Promising review: "This Echo is really incredible! I can ask it to turn off my lights, play the music channels I frequent on Pandora, call my friends or family, ask what the weather forecast is for the next morning, so I can plan accordingly. Also, the sound that comes out of this unit is phenomenal! For its compact size it really packs a punch, even on the bass line. Can't say enough good things about it." —Mr. C

    Get it from Amazon for $149.99 (available in three colors, and it comes with an optional free Hue smart bulb!).

    26. A sexy George Costanza card to help express your feelings the best way you can, through a raunchy pop culture reference.

    Etsy

    Get it from That Cool Sign on Etsy for $4.05+ (available in two card types and with/without an envelope).

    27. A compact portable charger with lots of juice to spare, so their phone never dies again when you're trying to reach them, like to remind them about that important errand they promised to help you run.

    Amazon

    And not to mention, this bb is a lifesaver on vacations when you're trying to record precious memories! Or not get lost in a foreign country. I bought this charger right before I went to South Korea for the first time and legit panicked over my iPhone 6's degraded battery life — since I planned to be out all day in most cases, I knew there was *no chance* it'd last past a few hours, especially with all of that heavy data usage. It was one of my smartest purchases maybe ever — it fit in a tiny purse and had enough juice for multiple charges, which was enough to last me a whole day. And probably more, but I always charged the actual charger overnight, so I'd be at 100% again every morning!

    Promising review: "I've had this over a year now and have used it many times. It takes hours to fully charge, but I can charge my iPhone 7 four to six times from it. I'm glad I bought this as opposed to a smaller model, as I would not want to have to recharge after every use. I take it with me when we travel, and I also make sure it's charged before storms come in. It's a good peace of mind for us." —Kim

    Get it from Amazon for $31.99 (available in four colors).

    Also, check out our top picks for the best portable charger on BuzzFeed Reviews.

    28. A pair of hunky underwear that'll definitely get a bout of laughter out of them — because Henry VIII is everyone's #1 most romantic historical figure, right?

    Etsy

    May your relationships be less disposable than his six wives.

    Get it from Twisted Twee Ltd on Etsy for $23.85 (available in men's sizes M–XL and women's sizes S–XL).

    29. Lelo's Tiana 2, a remote-controlled couple's vibrator for an particularly ~adventurous~ Valentine's night — it has a wireless range of 39 feet for extra unpredictability.

    instagram.com

    Promising review: "I bought my first Lelo seven years ago (for my own pleasure) and it's the longest-lasting and most reliable product I have ever invested in. I recently purchased the Tiani to enhance relations with my man-friend, and as usual Lelo does not disappoint! It’s subtle, quiet, cleans easily, and most importantly AMAZING at improving intimacy for both of us. I always refer my girlfriends to this brand. WORTH THE $!!" —The Suze

    Get it from Lelo for $119.25+ (originally $159; available in three colors) or in a limited-edition rose gold version (in collaboration with Amber Rose) for $159.

    30. A manual scalp brush for a delightfully soothing and satisfying scalp massage that gets rid of unruly build-up and makes hair appear fuller and voluminous — and what's theirs is also definitely yours...so "borrow" it and get into those roots! 💆

    Amazon

    Promising review: "It makes it easier for me to really get the shampoo everywhere it needs to go and speeds up the process. I have a lot of thick wavy/curly hair, and this was reviewed as one that could handle my type of hair (and it does, without getting tangled or caught in it). It also speeds up my hair washing, since I really need to massage my scalp, and doing so with my hands alone isn't as effective as using this scalp massager." —J. Love

    Get it from Amazon for $8.58+ (available in four colors).

    31. An actually stylish pair of Chelsea rain boots, so you never have to hear them complain about ruining another pair of beloved shoes due to terrible weather.

    Amazon

    Just with any rainboots, since the material is a little stiffer, I'd recommend wearing thicker socks so you minimize any pain, especially along the top portion of the boots.

    Promising review: "I have surprised myself by opting for these shoes almost every single day. I live in a place that can be very snowy, rainy, slushy, or muddy for long periods of time. These boots have very strong soles that help so much with traction, and they are shockingly durable! They have no scratches and they rinse or tap clean instantly, even months after purchase. The fit is extremely comfortable and they contour to the sides of your feet. I ordered my true size and can wear them with regular socks or thick ones for snowy days. Super versatile, stylish, and sturdy — and it’s great to have a pair of rain boots that are work-appropriate!" —ChristinaJH16

    Get it from Amazon for $14.99+ (available in sizes 4.5–12 and five colors/designs). For a men's option, try these Sperry Topsiders.

    32. Bracelets that can speak your preferred love language: sarcasm.

    Hot Topic

    Get them from Hot Topic for $6.90.

    33. Colorful "You make me horny" wrapping paper to give whatever you decide to gift a touch of sexy real talk.

    Firebox

    Get it from Firebox for $11.99.

    Here's to saying "I love you" in your own (less mushy and far superior) way.

    Deedle-Dee Productions / NBC

    The reviews used in this post have been edited for length and clarity.

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