1. You gotta go? You can't hold it until you get home? Well welcome to the public bathroom.
2. On your way to the stall, you're going to learn more about your fellow man and his unusual tendencies.
3. Congrats. You made it into the stall. If the covers down, best to use your feet. You never know when a rat might pop out, and you gotta be ready to smush that thing.
4. If you're gonna sit down, you have to double check the seat.
5. If you're a guy, sitting on that toilet is extra scary.
6. You definitely can't sit on the damn thing until you've made a proper nest.
7. For females trying to pee, this is the preferred my-butt-not-touching-that-seat position.
8. Sometimes you gotta get extra creative.
9. You found your balance. You're ready to dump out. Now you just need something to look at.
10. You're doing your thing, and suddenly, you hear someone jingling the door lock:
11. Shit, that was a close one. Better just wipe and get out. WHY WON'T IT COME OUT?
12. Plus that paper isn't soft. It's scratchy and thin as hell.
13. Then you stand up to wipe, and your phone slips out of your back pocket and into oblivion.
IT WAS IN YOUR DAMN POCKET THE WHOLE TIME!
14. If you're smart, you're gonna use that same foot to flush.
15. Or, god forbid, you have to press a button.
16. Unless you're Jennifer Lawrence, you gotta try to wash your hands.
17. But even after you leave, you can't shake the gross feeling.
