Every autumn, girls around the country fall ill with the same sickness: they want to get bangs.
It's important to be vigilant. If you're touching your giant forehead and wondering if bangs would help hide it, you may have bangs-flu.
If you stare at your favorite celebrity's bangs and think, "This could be me," you probably have bangs-flu.
Unless you have a stylist doing your hair every day, your bangs will not look like this.
If you're asking everyone on your social media if you should get bangs, you're likely already infected.
i feel like regardless of what's happening, there's a voice in the back of most girls' heads like "should i get bangs?"
"Should I get bangs?" is the only constant in my life.
If you ever think "should I get bangs" the answer is always no
Bangs-flu does not just affect basic bitches — it affects all women. Even Chrissy Teigen isn't immune.
A few weeks ago, I started showing signs of coming down with the bangs-flu. This picture of me with bangs exists and I still found myself thinking about getting more bangs. With a sickness that strong, how can you prevent it?
We inoculate ourselves from coming down with the regular flu with an immunization shot. It's like we give our bodies a temporary fake flu so we don't get it down the road. Wait... Fake? Temporary?
That was it! I could inoculate myself from the bangs-flu. By wearing fake bangs for a week, I could scratch my bangs itch without permanently making a decision I would definitely regret! So I turned to my trusty Amazon and purchased fake bangs.
Once I got the bangs, I did what anyone who just got a haircut would do: I posted a new pic to Instagram.
I was genuinely surprised by the attention. Here's a sampling of comments from my coworkers:
My plan to inoculate myself against actually getting bangs was failing miserably because PEOPLE WERE GIVING ME COMPLIMENTS ON MY BANGS (aka bangs enablers).
Everyone politely ignored the fact that my new bangs kept falling askew. The fake bangs are just held in by a comb "clip," so you can pretty easily dislodge them from your head.
But then my roommate Allie — the girl whom I previously cropped out of my awful, awful bangs photo — knocked some sense into me.
I pointed to Facebook and said, "Look at all these people who love my hair! Surely that means I should get bangs." Allie responded:
She was right. People weren't complimenting me because they liked my bangs. They were complimenting me because that's what you have to do when someone you know gets a new haircut. You HAVE to do it, or else it's super weird.
In the end, I removed my fake bangs and my fake smile. I would not fall victim to Zooey Deschanel disease. I would stay strong. I encourage all women who struggle with bangs-flu to take action and inoculate yourselves. Together, we can beat #bangsflu.
At least this fall. Next fall, well, that's another story.
