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23 Things You Learn When You Have A Baby In A Foreign Country

Oh look, more Sudocreme in the post.

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1. You have the opportunity to do a really cute pregnancy announcement.

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Because none of your friends live close enough to suspect a thing.

2. Get ready to take at least one bump picture a week.

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Of course, your mother will want a new one in her inbox daily.

3. Depending on where you are, the standard of maternity care you get will either be amazing or rubbish compared to home.

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Either way, it will be different.

4. But you’ll have twice as many pregnancy rules to follow.

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The ones where you are from, and the ones from where you are. Lucky you, eh?

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5. “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” has been translated into over 30 different languages.

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6. But it may be necessary to finally fork out for a dictionary.

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7. While you’re at it, look up “epidural.”

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Just in case.

8. You suddenly realise just why people move closer to their parents when they have kids.

Babysitters on tap, duh.
Modern Family / ABC

Babysitters on tap, duh.

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9. The only time it’s ever okay to call in the middle of the night (their time) is to say you’re finally in labour.

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10. But at least you won’t have to deal with the pressure of hysterical visitors waiting in the hospital for you to push that baby out.

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Because your family are all hundreds of miles away lololol.

11. And even when you’re far away, people are still lovely enough to send presents.

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12. You’ll get stuff like Calpol and Sudocreme in the post too.

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Because the local equivalents are clearly not to be trusted.

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13. The urge to post every single picture to Facebook will be strong.

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You must resist. Or set up a group with just your close friends.

14. After two weeks your baby will find the Skype ringtone as recognisable as your own voice.

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15. You will see people with kids complaining online about visitors coming over constantly.

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While you’re dying to show off your bundle of joy.

16. When you do get visitors, they will stay for weeks on end. Maybe even months.

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Well, it’s a long way to travel.

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17. On the plus side, visiting family = FREEDOM.

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You get to go out!

18. Flying with a newborn is exactly the nightmare you thought it would be.

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Tell them to keep the wine coming.

19. You will be uncertain about the kid’s nationality until you apply for a passport.

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And even then you’re all “really…?”

20. Side note: It’s really hard to get an infant to pose for a passport picture.

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Any chance of a smize?

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21. But it means you get to go in the short queue at immigration in the airport.

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You couldn’t send the baby all alone, could you?

22. Arriving home for the first time with your new baby will be emotional as hell.

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And worth the eight hours you spent trapped in that plane.

23. And best of all, your kid will get to call two places home.

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Lucky baby.