27 Struggles Only New Mums Will Understand
Enjoy every second! Or not.
Congrats, your baby is here!
Physically, you're healing well.
The mortification of buying stool softeners versus the terror of going without: The choice is yours.
You’re nowhere close to fitting into your regular jeans, and all your maternity clothes are designed to emphasise your now empty, saggy belly.
Your appetite has increased so much that you eat a quick dinner while cooking your real one.
The stretchmarks keep coming as your tummy starts to shrink.
You spend eight hours at a time alone with a newborn, slowly going out of your mind, but you're physically unable to leave for more than 10 minutes without panicking.
Despite dressing your little bundle head-to-toe in pink, at least three people a day will tell you, “He’s so handsome.”
Your midwife thinks it's appropriate to start talking about contraception.
Friends and family keep calling round to tell you to sleep when the baby does, while subtly enquiring about tea and biscuits at the same time.
Between 6pm and 10pm your baby becomes a wailing, screaming monster, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.
You’ve been gasping for a mojito for the past nine months and now you're breastfeeding.
You feel like you've overdosed on invisibility pills.
After an hour of pacing and rocking, your newborn is finally sleeping peacefully.
No one offers you a seat on the train any more.
You keep bursting into tears at the most inopportune moments.
Your feet refuse to get in line and go back to their pre-baby size.
You cannot deal with another celebrity post-baby body reveal.
You're suddenly acutely aware of all the danger everywhere.
The house is full of presents in pastel wrapping paper, but none of them are for you.
You can finally satisfy those cravings for blue cheese, sushi, and deli meats, but now you can't be bothered.
The second you try to leave the house, there's baby puke everywhere.
You have no idea what's happening on your street, let alone in the wider world.
People you've never met insist on telling you how to parent your child.
Your precious newborn makes the most disgusting sounds and smells.
You have to listen to your childfree friends talk about all the fun they had at the weekend.
At last, that blissful moment when the baby curls up and falls asleep on your chest.
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