1. "It was my birthday, and I really wanted to."
2. "I once overheard someone on the phone say, 'He caught me cheating, but that serves him right for spying on me.'"
"That's exactly how my ex tried to gaslight me when I caught her. She said, 'You did this to yourself; you went through my phone looking to get hurt.' No, I went looking for answers, which is exactly what I found."
3. "The lights were off. I couldn’t see."
4. "After 21 years of marriage and two small children, my wife confessed to cheating, and her excuse was 'I performed a soul retrieval on him, and discovered that he was my soulmate, for thousands of past lives and thousands of lives into the future.'"
"I can't help but feel there were 21 years of absolute batshit crazy red flags when someone says some shit like THAT."
5. "I just got out of an eight-month relationship that ruined my life completely. The straw that broke the camel's back was her excuse for cheating on me. She admitted to me that she slept with her ex during the time I was visiting my parents in another state. Her excuse for cheating was 'I wanted to see if you loved me enough to stay after I did it.'"
6. "I once heard from a former marriage counselor that there was a woman who claimed her husband was so affectionate, hard-working, and considerate, she developed an inferiority complex and dealt with it by cheating."
"Thus proving there is no pleasing some people..."
"Imagine being the guy in that scenario in the future. 'Yeah, my ex-wife cheated. She said I was too good for her and cheated.'"
7. "They said, 'I thought it was funny that you didn’t know.’ Yup, that actually happened to me."
8. "Kind of a similar vein, my ex looked me square in the eyes and said, 'I knew it would hurt you, but I didn't think it would hurt you this much.'"
10. "'I thought y’all were friends.' That's an actual quote from an ex. My immediate response was “HOW THE F*CK DOES THAT MAKE IT ANY BETTER?!?' She had absolutely no reply, just sat there with her jaw dropped."
11. "'I was looking for an excuse to break up.' If you want to break up, why didn't you just break up with me?"
"Instead of doing the hard thing of just being an adult and breaking up, they use cheating as a catalyst to break up without having to go through the tough motions of breaking up."
12. "You were too nice. I’m doing you a favor."
13. "'I thought about you the whole time.' I never understood that excuse. It makes it worse."
14. "I'm an alpha, and that's what we do."
15. "Or, 'It meant nothing, and nothing compared to sex with you.' Well..thanks, I guess?
"Thanks for destroying our relationship and emotionally devastating me for literally nothing then?!"
16. "She's your twin. ... Does it really count as cheating?"
17. "This one happened to a good friend of mine. I was with him just after this little gem was dropped on him, and it took him some time to recover. His ex said, 'I actually wasn't cheating on you. I was dating (the other guy) first, so I was actually cheating on him.'"
18. "'You didn’t answer your phone, so I had to do it.' They sent that at 2 a.m. I called back four minutes later, and it was too late, apparently. I bought a house two days prior for us to live in, and now, I’m selling that house for $260,000 higher than I paid for it six years ago. All I can do is laugh. 🤷🏻♂️ 😂"
19. "'I was going to tell you eventually, but I wanted to make sure that we had a genuine connection.' I was given this line, and shortly after, went off the deep end for a while. She implied that in order to make sure her and her new boyfriend had a 'real' connection, she had to go over to his place several times."
"I didn't want to leave the security of our relationship until I was sure my new narcissistic supply was secured!"
20. "It was the alcohol, not me."
21. "'I lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship.' —Ned Fulmer from The Try Guys."
"The fact that he used 'consensual workplace relationship' made the issue so much worse. It's so smarmy."
"The 'lost focus' part is what got me. I actually laughed out loud. 'Lost focus' sounds like you were zoning out while driving and accidentally ran a stop sign. Forgetting what you are doing and ending up hooking up with someone multiple times is not something that happens. 'Lost focus' really just means 'stopped caring.'"
22. "Sorry, we just started the threesome without you."
Now, it's your turn! What's the worst excuse you've heard for cheating? Comment below!
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.