1.When your friend texts you at 10pm on a Friday and wants to chill but you’re already on your 6th episode of Chopped of the night and there's no way in hell that you’re leaving before the dessert round.
2.When your boyfriend breaks up with you but he was kind of an asshole to begin with so you do some late-night research online and then end up at a craft store picking up supplies to put a curse on him for the rest of eternity and when you're finished you're pretty proud of yourself because you're usually not that crafty and you definitely should put this on Pinterest.
3.When you're trying out a new hairdresser and you’re not exactly sure what you want and you start panicking and then they walk up behind you, place their hands on your shoulders, and ask what you want and suddenly you yell "BANGS!" and then spend 5 months using bobby pins to hold back your hair and your tears.
4.When you get new clothes for school and you stroll up on the first day wearing ALL OF THEM in the same outfit and then you're like fucked because now you have nothing to wear for the rest of the week so you wear your old stuff and you feel like a mere peasant compared to the glamorous queen you were the day before but you're not too hard on yourself because life isn't easy.
5.When you decide you need to be more active so you go on a hike but really the hike is at a local park with zero inclines so really you're just walking but you come across a cute little garden and you know it's the perfect Instagram opportunity so you bug (hehe, get it?) your friend to take 63 photos of you until you find one where you look cute but where it doesn't look like you're trying too hard.
6.When you've had a really, really long day at work and you just missed the subway and then the next subway train didn't have air conditioning and you get home to your room and your roommates waltz in and ask how your day was and you have a total breakdown and you all order pizza for dinner.
7.When you eat some cereal and then put the dirty bowl in the sink and then your mom comes home and you just know she’s going to storm into your room and ask you to empty the dishwasher but you already did it twice this week so you just hide in a boot.
8.When you start a new diet where you only eat pineapples and all your friends are worried about you and you're like, "Guys, I'm fine," but then you have a severe allergic reaction because you forgot you're allergic to pineapple cause you're a literal spider and your brain is small but you forgive yourself because we're only human. Except, you're not. You're a spider.
9.And finally, when you run into your old friend from high school at that organic farmer's market and she's got a kid with her and you're like, "I didn't know she was a mom, she's so young!" but then you remember that you're not one to judge because you literally have had 2,000 babies yourself because you're a fucking spider.
