1. We will never, ever be interested in your chat about how difficult you're finding Dry January. View this photo on Instagram instagram.com We have no sympathy. None. Every month is January for us. 2. We can see the fear in your eyes when we tell you we don't drink. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF 20th Century Fox Television / Via your-reaction-gifs.tumblr.com It's like you've turned up naked to what you thought was a naked party. But then you see there's one guy wearing clothes and he probably has a camera. 3. But we don't actually judge you when we're sober. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via gifbin.com We're in this together. And, believe it or not, when you lose your inhibitions it allows us to lose ours too. 4. Apart from on the night bus or the last tube home. We judge your behaviour on those. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF NBC / Via giphy.com Oh, the THINGS we have SEEN. 5. We feel awful the morning after a big night too. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via giphy.com Most of a hangover is just dehydration and lack of sleep (probably), so we don't really feel much better than you do. 6. And we still send stupid texts to our exes and embarrass ourselves. Via Twitter: @itsshainah Oh god oh god oh god. 7. We like going to the pub with you but wish there were more... activities. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via whatisthisdebauchery.tumblr.com Clubs are good because there's dancing. Gigs are good because there's music. But sometimes we wish we could all just go to roller discos and play board games like we were 13 again. Because that was the good life, my friends. 8. We don't understand the etiquette of buying a round. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via giphy.com Is it, like, the first person to finish theirs buys the next round? Or is there a hand signal we don't know about? Do you have a secret WhatsAspp group? 9. And we will never, ever offer to buy one. View this photo on Instagram instagram.com Sorry, but it's just never worth it for us. 10. We don't understand how you guys can go so long without food. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF FOX The phrase, "Let's get drinks before dinner!" is a surefire way to press our hangry button. Does drinking suppress your appetite or something? 11. We wish there were more beverage choices for us. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Paramount / Via paperpictures.com There's only so much juice you can drink in one night. Virgin cocktails are way too expensive for what is basically lemonade and grenadine, and soda gets us all hopped up on caffeine. 12. People always want to know WHY we don't drink. View this photo on Instagram instagram.com But secretly we wonder: Why do you drink? And you guys always want a story: "What happened? Was there something in particular that made you stop? Are you religious?" 13. And you love telling us about the time you quit drinking. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via giphy.com Or you tell us that you need to quit drinking, or probably should stop drinking, or are planning to cut back on drinking. Please don't worry: You're fine, we're fine, EVERYTHING IS FINE. 14. We find it really awkward when someone says, "Shall we just split it?" after a big group dinner. View this photo on Instagram instagram.com You don't want to be that person, so you just sit there hoping someone remembers you don't drink and speaks up for you. But inside you're screaming, "I HAD NO WINE, NONE OF THE WINE WAS MINE." 15. We admit: Sometimes we do feel a bit smug. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via tumblr.com And sometimes we use being sober as a way of making ourselves seem more interesting. 16. But that's far outweighed by the intense FOMO we experience. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via giphy.com How many stories start, "OK so we were completely sober..."? 17. The only night we find really tough is New Year's Eve. View this photo on Instagram instagram.com Oh god please don't fall on me, and please stop talking so loudly; THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG. 18. No, we're not all vegetarian. View this photo on Instagram instagram.com Seriously. Because I don't drink, people assume I don't eat meat. Why? Why would you think that? Is there secret beer in cows? 19. AND NO, FOR THE LAST TIME, WE ARE NOT PREGNANT. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via giphy.com Just, no.