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**For Agent Jack Raze Only. STOP. Do Not Read**

If you are not Agent Raze, please do not read this.

Posted on

Attention Agent Jack Raze: The OMEGA Protocol has NOT been activated. We repeat, the OMEGA Protocol is NOT in effect.

Since you tore out your subdermal implant, we cannot locate you and have been forced to display this message to your last known IP address.
Kentoh / Getty Images

Since you tore out your subdermal implant, we cannot locate you and have been forced to display this message to your last known IP address.

For anyone reading this who is not Agent Jack Raze - Do not worry.

Everything is fine. Also, the OMEGA Protocol does not exist. Everything is fine.

Jack, everyone at Facility Q is extremely sorry for this false alarm.

Trust us, we want you to live out the rest of your life on a houseboat in Key West, memories of your life as an assassin buried deep within your subconscious. We do NOT want you to be reactivated and then blow up the UN.

Neptuul / Via en.wikipedia.org
  1. Are you agent Jack Raze?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Yes
    Correct
    Incorrect
    No

Agent Raze, we have no idea how you heard the trigger phrase that awakened your latent assassination skills.

Should we have made the trigger phrase something less common than, "Have a nice day?" Maybe we should have. Okay, we definitely should have. That's on us. We needed something easy to remember! If you're gonna blame someone, blame us. But please do not sneak into our underground high-rise in Virginia and kill all of us.

It’s important for you to calm down. Here, look at this labradoodle.

Edwinpics / Getty Images
  1. How do you feel now?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Less Murderous
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Equally Murderous

Agent Raze, we assure you that we never actually intended you or any other super-soldier to destroy the UN.

Blowing up the UN and then framing a cabal of Russian financiers was just one of a number of undercover activities you were mentally conditioned to carry out without question, without fear, and with only one thing standing in your way: Nothing.

We understand if you’re mad. You’re probably having a lot of hazy memories about killing a trio of rogue operatives in Toulouse. That’s perfectly normal.

Dvoevnore / Getty Images Maritsa Patrinos/BF

But please believe us–the OMEGA Protocol is not in effect.

And, look, someone killed the entire Key West Sheriff’s Office after they tried to apprehend him.

We're totally willing to let that slide if you just cool off and promise us you won't blow up the UN.
Angel Valentin / Getty Images

We're totally willing to let that slide if you just cool off and promise us you won't blow up the UN.

[NOTE: If you’re seeing this secret message and you are NOT Jack Raze, don’t worry about those sheriffs.]

Listen, Raze. Drive yourself to the nearest safe house, where BlackThorn handlers will explain everything. They will not try to kill you, thus wiping out the only proof of Facility Q’s existence. They just want to chat, we promise.

Driftlessstudio / Getty Images

God help us all.

Unless you're not part of the International Intelligence Committee. In which case, don't worry! Everything is fine.

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