29 Secrets College Students Won’t Tell You

In college, no one is too cool for school.

1. You’re probably at your most athletic when you are playing drinking games.

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2. A futon is cheaper than a couch, and better to have sex on.

The most important furniture purchase of your young life, ladies and gentlemen.

3. Wednesday and Thursday nights are the most fun nights to go out; anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Those are the nights the truly fun people go out, so take note.

4. No one has a clue what is going on during freshman orientation (or the rest of the year, for that matter) and anyone who acts otherwise is lying.

Really, everything in life only starts to make sense sophomore year.

5. You can’t remember the last time you did the reading.

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You did it once freshman year, and then you learned better.

6. You will say you are never making “bad decisions” again, but that is the biggest lie in the world and you know it.

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Staying out until 3 a.m. and making out with a stranger is a mistake with which you are strangely familiar.

7. Deep down, you kind of like drinking the cheap stuff.

Enjoy pounding cheap brews now, because you have the rest of your life to drink the “good stuff.”

8. Getting to know your professors is actually kind of awesome, because they’re usually rock stars.

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Once you sort through the Snapes, you will find there are a few Dumbledores and McGonagalls in there who will happily be the mentors in your life you need.

9. There is a difference between being “poor” and being “college poor.”


You cry poverty, yet are still able to go out four nights a week. Hmmm…

10. The only time you do laundry is when you run out of clean underwear, and not a moment before.

Because you have better things to do, obviously.

11. Your major kind of can actually define who you are as a person.

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Maybe you’re a theater geek, or one of “those” English majors, or a business student in a suit and tie!

12. The only time you *REALLY* dress up is when you’re going out, trying to impress someone, or both.

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Sweats and jeans will do fine in all other situations, thank you very much.

13. You’ll spend way more time on Facebook in the library than ACTUALLY studying.

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You’re a pro at procrastination, that’s for sure.

14. Writing a thesis may kill you, but the pride you have in the finished product is well worth the effort.

Few things are as rewarding — plus, you get to brag about it to your friends and family.

15. You don’t actually do any “studying” when you study abroad.

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Unless you count that wine-tasting class.

16. If you start a paper earlier than 9 p.m. the night before, you’re doing it wrong.

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The early bird doesn’t get the worm in this case.

17. Because really, you’d rather pull an all-nighter than even think about that paper a week in advance.

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You can sleep when you’re dead, or when you graduate.

18. You can survive on a diet of cold pizza, mac ‘n’ cheese, and Goldfish crackers, but it’s not advisable.

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You’ll still do it, anyway.

19. Being “popular” or “cool” like some people were in high school DEFINITELY does not matter anymore.

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Find your close group of friends, and life will be aca-mazing.

20. The freshman 15 is actually a very, very real thing if you aren’t careful.

Shockingly, all that late-night pizza isn’t exactly friendly to your beach body.

21. You sign up for classes around your sleep schedule and social calendar.


If you’re taking classes before 11 a.m. or on Fridays, you’re doing it wrong.

22. Try as hard as you might, your dorm room will NEVER look like it does in an Ikea catalog.


But as long as it is presentable enough to host an adult sleepover, you’re fine.

23. The student section at your school’s sporting events is both the most exciting and the craziest place on campus.

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Not even a frat party can compare.

24. Staying on your RA’s good side is absolutely, positively imperative.

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A happy RA means a happy you.

25. Either you’re in a serious relationship with someone and practically married, or you’re just hooking up, but there is no real in-between.

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What does “dating” mean, anyway?

26. Spring break isn’t actually a vacation but a week-long test of your liver and willpower.

But remember to put on sunscreen too.

27. Arguments with your roommate are never actually about what you are arguing about.

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But somehow, you’re always able to hug it out.

28. No matter how tired you are, you ALWAYS will have enough energy to go out.

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God bless your 21-year-old energy.

29. And finally, college is more than just classes and parties. It’s where you make some important mistakes, meet lifelong friends, and grow up in the process.

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Now you’re the person you were always meant to be.

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