In perhaps the least surprising news ever, US swimmer Ryan Lochte is embroiled in some ~messy drama~ with the Brazilian government after he claimed he and three of his teammates were robbed at gunpoint in Rio over the weekend.
Naturally, people on the internet had a field day with the developing story:
1. First, there was this truth:
I would rather watch Ryan Lochte being interrogated by Brazilian police than like 90% of Olympic sports.
2. And then this "exclusive footage" of the swimmer fleeing South America:
Exclusive footage of Ryan Lochte leaving Brazil
3. Here's what people thought Lochte pictured Rio to be before he visited:
Ryan Lochte thought Rio was gonna be like this
4. And the fact he's basically a stereotype of himself at this point:
Ryan Lochte saying "Whatever" to the guy robbing him at gunpoint is the most Ryan Lochte thing to ever happen
5. Which leads us to this:
Gonna be pretty disappointed if it turns out Ryan Lochte didn't actually say "whatever" upon being held at gunpoint
6. Maybe Lochte is a criminal mastermind:
JULY 2016 CRIME BUNKER RYAN LOCHTE: Messieurs, a toast. The seeds of my public subterfuge will soon blossom into the crime of the century!
7. Crazier things have happened:
Ryan Lochte at the end of The Usual Suspects, except instead of his limp going away he reads a book
8. People are already calling for TV adaptations:
This Ryan Lochte story is just a few missing details away from being an episode of Law & Order: SVU.
9. Or maybe a movie:
Maybe Ben Affleck can Argo Ryan Lochte and his swimming buddies out of Brazil.
10. Actually, this SOUNDS like a movie we know:
ryan lochte is just confused cause he got sucked into an aquarium filter when he was a baby fish and he can't remember his parents
11. Others questioned why he would not be telling the truth:
I feel like Ryan Lochte just didn't want to tell his mother that he lost his wallet at "a spa"
12. Some called for government intervention:
Forget ISIS: It's time to put the full resources of the intelligence community into figuring out this Ryan Lochte situation.
13. People were just living for the ~drama~:
I can't decide if I want to know THE FULL TRUTH about Ryan Lochte right now or just have it doled out to me in episodes like a morphine drip
14. Important questions were asked:
DID YOU LIE ABOUT THIS TOO, RYAN
15. So someone had this genius idea:
The Ryan Lochte @serial is going to be good.
16. And naturally, our favorite late gorilla from the Cincinnati Zoo had to get involved:
"harambe, you're alive! but how?" "tell no one ryan lochte, the fate of the world depends on it. just make up a story."
Alright, let's wrap this thing up in the only way we really could:
